We both kept our own names when we got married and after five years, I can assure everyone that we are very happy and our children do not suffer daily confusion about their names.
Seriously, I respect the many good reasons to change one's name. I actually learned a valuable lesson from a very feminist girlfriend when I assumed she would, of course, keep her own name. And she promptly informed m that she has no interest in carrying on a name that belongs to a man she doesn't respect and relishes the opportunity to start a new family, with a new name. It taught me that to assume one choice was right for everyone was small minded.
Of course, no one suggests that my husband loves me less or is less my husband because he didn't take my name. Why not? Well, because that's foolish. Same goes in the other direction.
As for the kids, my MIL, who is a teacher, assured me that anyone who makes an assumption about family based on name these days is rather small minded. With same sex families, blended families, single parent families and every other definition of family out there, it would be pretty ignorant to assume anything based on name. I would never want to make those assumptions myself, for fear of hurting some one who doesn't fit into a stereotypical definition of family, one that is likely outdated.
And just to reassure anyone who still harbours concern about the results of not changing your name and your children - we have yet to encounter a single problem with anything health related, travel related, school related, etc. And what with the whole labour thing, I feel pretty much entrenched in their lives as their mother. A name pales in comparison to having given them life, I promise.
And actually, from a historical perspective, in patrilineal naming societies, that is one reason children typically get the father's name. Motherhood is absolute but fatherhood is not. By giving the father's name to a child, it establishes paternity. Maternity never needs to be established.
So, I think making either decision is completely legitimate, provided one gives it some thought. I do find it surprising that anyone still assumes anything about names, including that a woman
should take her husband's. It also surprises me that so many men believe that they should have any say as to what their soon to be wife does with her own name and aren't fully supportive of whatever feels right to her. Or, that so many women accept that as a reason to change it. But, then, I constantly find myself surprised at how other families work and feel lucky to have a husband so committed to an equal partnership!