What do BMs pay for/what to you pay for?

The title says it all! I'm not sure what to do!! If they buy their dress, I'll probably end up paying for hair/makeup/jewelry. That will definitely be expensive though!!

I have 4 BMs
hair--> $70 each x 4 =$280
makeup--> $60 each x 4 =$240
jewelry (earrings and bracelet)--> $80 each x 4 =$320

total =$840

Is this too much for me to pay for them?? Their dresses are $200 that they will be paying for. I don't feel right about asking them to pay for anything else AND give a gift :S

what are you girls doing?

 21 Nov 2009 7:19 PM
 3 Jan 2009
I paid for everything, but I also only had a MOH and FG (we also paid for our Best Man's tuxedo.)

If I wasn't going to pay for the dresses (assuming I had more than one attendant!), I would have asked my BMs to pick black dresses they'd love to wear again, because that's a little easier to swallow for some people, I think.

In your case, I feel that hair, makeup and jewelry should either be paid for by you (as you're thinking of doing) or made optional for the girls. If I was a BM in this case, I would personally opt for the professional hair but would forego the makeup (which I could do nicely myself) and the jewelry (which isn't really necessary.) The jewelry won't make or break your day, and neither will the pro makeup because I'm sure they're skilled at doing their own. Hair is a different story, but if you don't pay for this, I feel that it should all be made optional. They'll love you for it.

 21 Nov 2009 7:22 PM
 31 Dec 2007
 newmarket, Ontario
The only thing we payed for were half of their dresses and their makeup.

Their dresses were $385 each and their makeup was $35 each.

It is all up to you and your FH in what you wan to pay for.

 21 Nov 2009 7:25 PM
 19 Sep 2005
Duchess of the Forum
I had a formal-ish, hotel-ballroom wedding.

My girls paid for their own dresses, but they were not matching bridesmaids dresses. I told them to wear a black cocktail dress of their choice and black shoes. I bought them matching pashminas to 'unify' the look.

I did not require them to wear matching shoes or matching jewellery.

I gave them the option of coming to the hair salon to get their hair done with me if they wished, but at their own expense. A few of them joined me, and a few of them did their own hair.

I had my sister do my make-up, so nobody had professional make-up done.

I am so, so glad I did it this way. Trying to make sure that everyone had matching dresses/shoes/jewellery/hair/make-up would have been a nightmare.

IMO, you should expect your girls to pay for their dresses up to a cost of around $200 or so. Anything else that you *require* as the bride - professional hair or makeup, matching jewellery, matching shoes, or more expensive dresses - you should pay for.

 21 Nov 2009 7:32 PM
 21 Feb 2008
WB Addict

My girls paid for their own dresses, but they were not matching bridesmaids dresses. I told them to wear a black cocktail dress of their choice and black shoes. I bought them matching pashminas to 'unify' the look.

I did not require them to wear matching shoes or matching jewellery.

I gave them the option of coming to the hair salon to get their hair done with me if they wished, but at their own expense.

This, exactly. They chose & bought their own dresses, shoes, and jewelry. In the end, they all wore shoes and jewelry they already had and they all looked great.
They all chose to get their hair done at the salon with me, and I paid for all of their makeup because it was something that I wanted to do/have done.

I think you should give them the option of professional hair & makeup, at their own expense - that way they can easily opt out if they want to. Maybe you could give them matching jewelry as a gift?

If you're going to "require" that they have pro hair & makeup, I think it's up to you to pay.

Of course, if it's within your budget to pay for it all then I say go ahead!

 21 Nov 2009 7:41 PM
 11 Feb 2008
WB Devotee
My girls are paying for their dresses and hair and makeup if they want it (they all do). I am buying their shoes (because I am crazy and want them to have matching shoes) and jewelry (not their gift).

 21 Nov 2009 7:45 PM
 26 Oct 2009
 Vancouver, BC
WB Lurker
My girls paid for their own dresses and shoes and I am paying for their nails, hair, makeup, jewelry, and hotel for the night before the wedding (we're all going to stay in a suite together). That being said, I found budget friendly ways to do this. For example, I am going to make their jewelry (ribbon tied pearl necklaces), I found a great deal on nails, hair and makeup ($80 per person for everything and we get the salon to ourselves!!) and we got a great government rate on the hotel suite because my FH's mom is in the BCGEU. It took a long time to figure out how to work all of this into my budget but if you search around for the best deals and get creative it can be done!

 21 Nov 2009 9:24 PM
 25 May 2009
WB Postaholic
I had four attendents and they paid for a gift for us and a teeny tiny shower (I didn't want a shower AT ALL but they had a small one anyway)

We paid for dresses, hair, make up and jewellery. I didn't think it was fair that I was asking someone to stand up with me on my wedding day and have expenses to do me the honour.

We made it part of our budget. It was about 1200.00 so not huge at all in the grand scheme of things.

 21 Nov 2009 11:25 PM
 28 May 2006
 Mount Real
Raving Lunatic
I only had a MOH and we paid for her dress and shoes. I did my own hair and make-up and so did she. I made our jewellery for the wedding, so she didn't pay for that either.


IMO, you should expect your girls to pay for their dresses up to a cost of around $200 or so. Anything else that you *require* as the bride - professional hair or makeup, matching jewellery, matching shoes, or more expensive dresses - you should pay for.

Even though we paid for her clothing and shoes I still agree with the above statement. The reason we paid was because my MOH was on unpaid sick leave for 3 months when I asked her to stand up for me and so I thought it was only fair to pay, especially since she was the only attendant and she had to deal with the shower and stagette expenses on her own.

 22 Nov 2009 12:25 AM
 21 Feb 2007
 near Edmonton, Alberta
WB Devotee
I didn't have a MOH or BM at my wedding. But in all the other weddings I have been in, I have had to pay for everything (dress, makeup, hair, etc.) ... I've been in a couple and it was just something that i had to do. I knew that non of the brides would be able to pay for all the stuff, and as part of accepting to be the MOH I also accepted the cost that would be associated with it. For one of the weddings, I spent way over $1200 for everything(dress, makeup, hair and cost to get to the wedding).

 22 Nov 2009 12:48 AM
 23 Sep 2009
i have one MOH and FH has a BM. BM will probably wear a black suit (and possibly buy a new shirt and tie), and i told MOH that she can buy any dress she loves, just to have the colour compliment our wedding colours. We will pay for her hair/makeup and buy her a white gold bracelet as a thank you. we will also buy the BM a nice watch as a thank you as well.

imo, if i required bridesmaids to wear the same dress, i would ask them to buy it, but i would pay for everything else (hair/makeup, shoes...)
I think that it's asking a lot when you ask someone to spend 200+ $ on a dress they will probably never wear again, and expect them to have their hair/make up done, plus shoes to match...

 22 Nov 2009 1:01 AM
 24 Jun 2009
WB Chatterbox
My BMs are paying for their dresses, but I am paying for their hair/make-up.

 22 Nov 2009 1:13 AM
 16 Sep 2007
 Abbotsford, BC
WB Devotee
i am paying 50 dollars towards each of their dresses, i just cant afford to pay for the whole dress. i am trying to find or find money in my budget so they can get their hair done with me( me paying for it)

 22 Nov 2009 4:03 AM
 17 Aug 2009
 Other side of the pond
We're buying the dresses and paying for the guys tuxes. Hair and makeup is up to them. Depending which dresses we buy, I may buy them matching necklaces to tie the two colours into each other. Otherwise free choice of jewellry. It's a beach wedding, so we may go somewhere and find some fun matching flipflop ($3 Old Navy ones or something!). They really don't have to pay for anything, just hair/makeup if they choose to do that.

 23 Nov 2009 12:57 AM
 12 Jul 2009
 Manitoba, Canada
WB Chatterbox
The wedding i was in last year we paid for our own dresses, alterations and everything, we could wear whatever shoes we want, hair jewelery and makeup, whatever we wanted.

I have always thought that if i want my bridesmaids to look a certain way then i would pay for everything for them. But if i dont want to pay for everything then they get alot more say in what they wear. I picked out my bridesmaid dress with my bridesmaids and am paying for half... they can wear their hair, shoes, makeup, jewelery whatever they want. IMO as long as the shoes aren't neon green and they match with my colors it doesn't matter to me. No one is going to notice that they dont have the same shoes or jewelry on anyways... so they are paying for half the dress ($140 is half) and their hair and makeup, so i will be getting them a very nice gift.

 23 Nov 2009 7:55 AM
 13 Oct 2008
WB Chatterbox
My girls paid for themselves for the most part DH and I had a pretty tight budget for the wedding. I had two of them in the wedding party. For dresses we picked out fabric (I had three possible colours I was open to light blue, champagne and chocolate brown and we picked one that all three of us liked) which ended up costing about $40. They both picked patterns that suited them and had them made which I think cost between $60-90 each (one lives in a smaller town, the other in TO). I thought this was a pretty cost effective way to get dresses that they both would want to wear again/would look good on both their body types. They both picked out their own jewellery/shoes to wear (I didnt care what colour of shoes as long as they were similar one bought a new pair of shoes, the other wore a pair she had already). They also paid for their hair, about $50. We did our own make-up. As a gift I got them both French manicures the morning of the wedding, and got them both necklaces as a keepsake.

 23 Nov 2009 8:02 AM
 26 Oct 2005
We paid for everything. It was one of the reasons we decided not to have a huge wedding party.

 23 Nov 2009 11:19 AM
 11 Mar 2009
 the Centre of the Universe
They are paying for their own dresses (theoretically, but so so far I've paid for the 2 that have already been purchased), shoes, jewellery, hair, makeup. BUT they are also picking them out, so they get to decide what they want/how much they want to spend. All I ask is black dresses/silver shoes, as long as they're happy and look/feel great I don't care.

My Mom is covering the cost of my shower, and one of my cousins is helping her with that (all my BMs are either crazy busy or out of town), but they will take care of hen night expenses.

Everyone is responsible for their own expenses at the resort. Breakfast is included in the rate, and both dinners are on us.

 23 Nov 2009 12:18 PM
 12 Jun 2009
I guess it depends on each wedding.
I paid for the dresses and that is it.
I don't expect the girls to buy any particular shoes unless they want to and hair, make up they can do themselves if they want to as well.
I won't be paying for anything else,but at the same time not expecting them to spend money unless they choose to do so themselves.

 23 Nov 2009 1:36 PM
 19 Jan 2007
I had a DW so I paid for everything, dress, shoes, jewellery, etc because it cost them to come, we also put $500 each towards the Best Mam and MOH vaction... Same with the guys,

Had I had a wedding at home I would have paid for 1/2 the dress and the jewelery and hair...

 23 Nov 2009 1:43 PM
 1 Sep 2008
We paid for part of the girls dresses. They had the option of getting their hair, makeup and nails done but at their own expense. I also ask that they wear silver shoes, they didn't have to be the same I just wanted silver. One of my BM's dyed a pair of her old shoes and it was perfect!

For their gift I bought them all a strand of pearls, lip gloss, body butter from the Body Shop, a purse holder, a black frame and pretty japanese fans.

If you REQUIRE your girls to have hair, makeup and nails done then I think you should pay for it. I think most people know that when they agree to be in a wedding they know its going to cost them something.

 23 Nov 2009 7:45 PM
 24 Sep 2008
My BMs (5) are paying for their dresses (about $190) and their own hair ($60). They are alsp paying for their own shoes and jewelry. BUT I am letting them pick their own shoes and accessories, and I didn't require them to get their hair done (obviously).

I am paying for their wraps (pashminas), their makeup and the hotel the night before the wedding.

 23 Nov 2009 10:22 PM
 9 Dec 2008
WB Chatterbox
They paid for their dresses (200), and i told them to wear whatever shoes they wanted, including any black pumps they had in thier closet. Many of them bought new shoes anyways, but only ones they would rewear. I bought pashminas/scarfs as thier present. I have told them that being a part of our day is our present, and asked them not to buy us anything for a gift. Not all the girls like jewellery, so no one is buying it- i really don't think matching jewellery is nessecary.
If they Choose to get thier hair and makeup done, they will cover the cost of that, but i don't mind if they don't want to- we will all be getting ready together at my house either way.
I think what you expect for a shower/stagette is to be considered too- i paid for the limo for my stagette myself, because i knew it would be a burden for some of the girls.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way- unless it destroys a friendship- it just varies based on what your group does.

 24 Nov 2009 6:45 PM
 11 Feb 2008
i had 2 bridesmaids..I paid for their dresses

they came with me to get hair and makeup done..they paid for that themselves

i wasn't picky about jewellery nor shoes so they wore what they had

 24 Nov 2009 7:45 PM
 18 Oct 2009
 Steinbach, MB
I'm paying for my daughter's dress (she's a bridesmaid) and $75 towards my MOH's dress and my 2nd Bridesmaid didn't want anything for her dress but I'll get her something else.

I couldn't care less what shoes they wear - their dresses go to the floor. As for hair and make up, my MOH is allergic to a LOT of thing so she'll just do her make-up herself, not sure on the hair. My 2nd Bridesmaid will probably just do her own make-up and hair and I'll pay for my daughter's hair & make-up.

All three of my kids are in the wedding party so I have an extra $600+ to spend just on their stuff.

 31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
 30 Apr 2012
New Member

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 3 Dec 2009 12:01 AM
 20 Aug 2007
WB Devotee
I paid for everything, but I made their dresses, so I saved about $600 there.

That said, I have been in weddings where I've had to pay for my nails, dress and shoes, but they paid for hair, makeup and jewelry.

 6 Dec 2009 3:45 AM
 21 Jul 2006
It depends on the bride & groom.

We decided we didn't want anyone else spending $$ they might not have on OUR wedding.

We paid for their:

Dresses (+ alterations)
Hotel Rooms
And we got them all gifts as well.

No wonder our wedding cost so much.

 12 Dec 2009 8:30 PM
 18 Oct 2009
 Steinbach, MB
here is my dilemma...

My last Bridesmaid,my daughter and I went to try on dresses and I paid for all the dresses that night. The bridesmaid that was with me has since paid me back for her dress but my MoH seems to think that I paid for her entire dress and don't expect any money back. The deal was that I would pay $75 towards her dress and she'd pay the rest.

Now what do I do? frown

Sorry for kind of going off topic...

 13 Dec 2009 10:24 PM
 25 Oct 2009
I have 3 bridesmaids... I'm paying to get their hair done (got a great deal from my stylist). They paid for half their dresses, my mom was nice enough to pay for the other half of their dresses. I think everything else they need will be on them, but I AM giving them bracelets to wear to the ceremony as a bridesmaid gift.

 19 Dec 2009 4:35 PM
 7 Nov 2007
 Winnipeg, Manitoba
I had the two girls. They paid for their dresses, hair and makeup and hotel rooms for the evening. Their dresses were $80 combined and the makeup was applied for free with a $40 purchase from MAC and I think their updos were in the $50-75 range and the hotel roon would have been about $100 at the group rate. Jewlery and shoes were stuff they already owned as I didn't care if they matched.

I did pay for mani/pedis and I bought breakfast for MOH as she stayed overnight at my place.

 16 Jan 2010 10:02 PM
 3 Aug 2008
 Toronto, ON
GAH! This post is making me annoyed because I am MOH for my sister...and in addition to buying a $200, and paying for MAJOR alterations on it, I have to buy a pair of silver, peep toe shoes (which are impossible in a size 12 - they don't exist for under $70, and I am NOT paying that for 1-time only shoes), pay for my hair and makeup - and I HAVE to get my hair done at her salon and the makeup at the house. I tried to just get the makeup done @ the mall things, but she said no, it had to be at the house.

I was married 4 years ago, and she was my MOH, and her dress was $200. There were no alterations, I chose shoes that were $20 from Payless, hair and makeup could be done whenever/wherever the girls wanted (the other two did their own hair and makeup).

We had a small, low budget wedding that turned out great - I think it cost about $10,000 for the whole shebang, 80 people. Her budget was $15,000 - she's currently at about $20,000-$25,000. The problem is that a lot of her friends have big, huge, weddings (a lot of Italian, first-daughter friends who marry Italian boys...so huge huge huge weddings), and that's how she's used it being done. To her credit, she's trying to cut back wherever possible...and after all, it is her wedding, a once-in-a-lifetime thing...but c'mon.

Whoopsie. Had to get that out - sorry. smile

 18 Jan 2010 2:02 AM
 27 Dec 2009
WB Devotee
I am a BM in my friends wedding in September.
She is getting married on a 3 day 1 way cruise. So not only do i need to pay for the cruise, i also have to pay for a flight home. We're paying for the dress ourselves $190(she says it can be worn again, but i dont think it looks good on me)
She got upset when i first came to her to tell her i thought this was going to cost me too much. She tried to be understanding but told me at a later date it really upset her. I asked her what cost's i would be needing to pay for but she couldn't be certain. I got fired at the end of november and asked to drop out of her wedding as i didnt know if i would be able to afford all the costs. Since then i got engaged and we are planning on getting married in june. I really wanted her in my wedding party as we have known and been friends each other as long as i can remember. My FH convinced me i'd regret dropping out of her wedding and i have since asked to be back in a(which she accepted) I have since apologized for making a big deal about the cost.

Because of the way i'm feeling about my money being spent on anothers wedding i am trying hard to make it easy on my bridesmaids. I havnt decided yet, but i will either be paying for the dress's my girls get, or i'll offer hair and/or make up the day of. I dont want them to be expected to pay anything over $150 for my wedding, and i am determined to choose a dress they have a chance of wearing again. Every one of my BM are very understanding and have told me they will spend as much as nessicary to get the dress i want them to wear and they dont care if they can wear it again. This is why i love them all so much, and why i want them to have a dress to wear again and again.

Sorry, so random

 20 Jan 2010 11:00 AM
 8 Jan 2010
I'm paying for hair/make-up on the day, and possibly mani-pedis, depending on the deal the salon can give me. I'll probably also get them Starbucks gift cards as well, since we're all addicted. They're paying for their dresses

 27 Jan 2010 12:54 PM
 20 Jan 2010
New Member
I'm also planning on paying for hair and makeup. But I'm keeping it simple. They are choosing and paying for their dresses. I'm also making their jewelry

 27 Jan 2010 5:46 PM
 25 Mar 2009
Their paying for their dresses and shoes, I'm paying for the rest (Hair and makeup and their shawls to go with their dresses and some odds and ends). They picked their own dresses individually so I figured they could decide how much they wanted to spend on them. They can choose their own jewellery.

The groomsmen are paying for their own rentals though we bought the shirts for them to wear in our wedding colours. I'm paying for absolutely everything for the ringbearer and flowergirl because their mom doesn't have much money and I'd never ask her to shell out money for my wedding.

 31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
 30 Apr 2012
New Member

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