I was on another board where the discussion was that head tables are rude to the wedding party if their spouses/SO's are not seated there as well. There seemed to be agreement on this.
My FH really wants a head table with just the wedding party. (not the spouses of WP as well) Is this rude? (All of the spouses of the wedding party will be seated with people they know.)
31 Mar 2010 4:26 PM
22 Sep 2008
Alberta
muggins
Addict
4,711
Nope, I don't consider it rude- that's pretty much what happens at every wedding I attend. I think the only think that's rude is if the bride/groom doesn't sit the SO with a table where he/she knows someone or at the very least a table where the SO will fit in (table of younger women, etc, etc)
31 Mar 2010 4:28 PM
26 Oct 2005
TO
Gingy
Postaholic
8,194
I don't know if I'd call it rude but to me it's a bit inconsiderate. I don't really get why it has to be so formal or what the benefit is of separating couples. After being "on duty" all day I think it's nice for everyone to be able to relax and enjoy dinner with their partners as well as with the bride and groom.
I guess it's hard when the wedding party has a dozen people in it already and there is not enough room at the table for more, but had either of our attendants been in relationships at the time, we'd have all sat together at the head table. The more the merrier!
We had just the wedding party. I have been the plus one when DH was in wedding parties, and it was just fine.
This is the norm at every wedding I have ever been to.
I don't think it is rude at all.
We have invited SOs to sit with us because we aren't having a traditional rectangular HT but a square table that can seat 12.
The WP including us is only 6 people, inviting SOs to join makes more sense than is does not to.
If you need an excuse say the table is too small for WP and SOs. ( make sure it's true) But you probably won't need to bother, not sitting with your partner is one small sacrifice you make when accepting a WP invitation and a plus one invite.
31 Mar 2010 5:21 PM
23 Sep 2009
Ottawa
Ariel2010
Addict
3,767
it's not necessarily rude, but i wouldn't do it, well not for our wedding. i find it weird not to be seated with FH, and i wouldn't impose that on our friends.
couple of our friends got married 2-3 years ago and they didn't want the SOs at the head table, and there was a big issue around this.
i guess it depends on your circle, if it's usually done, no one should have a problem with it. for us, it just wouldn't make sense, since we are all friends and it'd be weird to have only half a couple at our table...
31 Mar 2010 5:26 PM
17 May 2009
6thyear
Addict
4,896
I don't think it's rude...but I would never do it. I HATE getting separated from FH when one of us is in a wedding. It sucks. OK, maybe I do think it's a bit rude... *lol*
We're sitting with our families, & the wedding party will be sitting with their dates.
We were fortunate enough to not having to truly worry about couples/SO with our head table. My MOH and her husband were both part of the wedding party so were seated with us, and the best mans' wife was happy to sit with another couple who she is good friends with.
31 Mar 2010 5:38 PM
25 Oct 2009
vwdarling
Devotee
1,955
I always thought that the SO's of the bridal party will understand.
Another way to go around it is to just have a sweetheart table so your bridal party can sit together WITH their SO's.
31 Mar 2010 5:47 PM
18 Jul 2008
Sunflower22
WB Chatterbox
468
I don't think its rude, I think its just what happens. At one wedding we went to my FH had to sit at the "date" table which was just all the people in the wedding party's dates and had a great time. Its only for an hour or so... Especially if they know people then I wouldn't even think twice about it.
31 Mar 2010 6:14 PM
19 Sep 2005
Ms_Married
Duchess of the Forum
21,087
I wouldn't say rude, but I would say outdated and not very considerate.
Most of the weddings I have been to in the last few years (mine included) had a sweetheart table and the bridal party sat with SOs.
31 Mar 2010 6:48 PM
3 Jan 2009
zoobaby
Postaholic
6,506
I also wouldn't say it is rude, per se, but I don't like the concept so we didn't do it at ours. I hate eating facing a room, and being unable to talk comfortably to anyone except those on my immediate sides. As such, we sat at a round table in the centre of the dining room with our immediate families. A lot of guests complimented our choice and said they wished they'd done the same.
ETA - this was the (blurry!) setup of our dinner. Our "head table" was the slightly up and to the left of the woman in blue. It made for a nice atmopshere, IMO.
31 Mar 2010 7:30 PM
26 Oct 2007
Danae
WB Lurker
208
Not rude, but I also agree with those who said I don't like it. Just make sure that all of the SOs are sitting at a table with people they know and actually like!
That said, I dislike a lot of the traditions that involve groomsmen and bridesmaids. Which is why I never intend on being in another bridal party and why FH and I are not having one!
31 Mar 2010 7:39 PM
14 Jul 2005
in the gutter but staring at t...
niamh
WB Devotee
1,265
I don't know if it's rude, but if you're the SO left out, it can feel very isolating.
For example: I went to a wedding where DH was in the wedding party. Clearly the bride and groom didn't know what to do with me - I was put at a table of eight with four empty seats and three of the groom's cousins who all knew each other and spent the entire night getting wasted and ignoring me. Between dinner and dessert when DH came to see how I was doing, the bride's mother marched over to us and yelled at him for leaving the head table
But, as you say, since you're making an effort to have the SO's sit with people they know, it'll probably be okay.
Its not rude to have a head table - it's quite common for ppl to have head tables. Every single wedding I've been to has had a head table. And usually the wedding parties are too big to accomodate SO/spouses at the table as well. That being said, I do think it's inconsiderate if someone just sticks the SOs wherever they fit or at tables where they don't know anyone. It would also be nice if the SO are seated closeby as opposed to across the room... but that's just my opinion.
I can see how some people see it as rude though.. I was a bridesmaid at a wedding and my FH was really put off because he was stuck at a table in the far corner, so far away from me he couldn't even see me and at a table with all the 'rejects'. I would have definitely appreciated it if my friend had put him with the rest of our friends instead, because he didn't enjoy himself and he was completed alienated. I didn't think it was rude but I certainly felt that it was inconsiderate of her.
31 Mar 2010 8:57 PM
9 Feb 2010
DillPickle
Devotee
2,065
I've never been to a wedding where the spouses did sit at the head table - I would find that weird, personally.
31 Mar 2010 9:00 PM
29 Dec 2008
Calgary
CateFace
Raving Lunatic
14,596
I havn't read the responses but
heck no I don't think its rude...the WP agreed to be a part of your day, that means forfeiting sitting beside their SO for dinner - just like they don't have their SO standing beside them at the alter, or in the limo or coming to the pictures...
If they can't handle that...then get the heck out of the wedding because they need to put that aside for the day..
31 Mar 2010 9:27 PM
27 Feb 2010
guancia
Devotee
2,062
It's traditional and the norm to have a head table with the whole bridal party. With that said, I really don't want us to have one. FH wants one, but can't really explain why. I said I want our MOH and BM to sit with us at a regular table with their dates. The rest of the bridal party will sit at regular tables with their dates. The two main people who we want by our side will be sitting with us and their significant others. I have no issue sitting at a head table when in a bridal party, which I have done once, the other times I was sitting with my FH and friends. However when I was at a head table, I feel like everyone was up and down checking up on their dates, me and included. I just would rather have everyone sitting with their dates or guests instead of sitting at the head table with us for dinner and speeches.
Thanks for all the opinions. One of the only thing my DH has an opinion on in the wedding is a traditional head table. (I wanted a family table.
Chatted to my BM's and they are ok with wedding party only head table as well as their husbands.
All the GM's wives are long time friends so we will put them all at a table together.
I will let FH have this one:)
1 Apr 2010 7:38 AM
29 Jun 2008
pinkerbelle
WB Devotee
1,684
I don't think it's rude at all. I personally would feel VERY uncomfortable if DH was in a wedding party of a friend of his that I didn't know very well and I was seated next to him at the head table. I would feel awkward (since I don't know the bride/groom very well) and the other wedding guests who DO know the bride/groom would probably be thinking "Um...who's the girl sitting next to that groomsman up there?"
Weird. I wouldn't do it at all. I would sit at a table where I knew other people, or if I didn't know anyone, just introduce myself to whoever was at my table and make new friends. Simple as that. It's not like dinner lasts all night - pretty sure I could live without sitting next to DH for a meal...
1 Apr 2010 8:09 AM
31 Jul 2009
East Coast Canada
Pippin
WB Chatterbox
377
I've never been to a wedding with the wedding party's SO's sitting with them, but I think that's what we intend to do. We only have one attendant each and my MoH's husband will know no one there apart from us. And our BM's wife knows FH's family but they'll all be sitting with the my family at the family table. So I think it'll be nice and relaxing for them all to sit together. We want our reception light and fun, not formal.
1 Apr 2010 8:37 AM
3 Sep 2006
rosedale
Addict
3,562
I dont think it is rude to have a traditional head table but I do think it is a rather old fashioned and out of date way of doing things. FH is in a wedding next month and he will be sitting at the head table and I will not be sitting with him. Its not only the dinner I wont see him for either, he will be gone all morning hanging out with the groom and getting ready then I will have to drive by my self to the wedding or go with my FILs, then he will be at pictures, then dinner, speeches and then I get to see him. The only people I will know at the wedding who wont be at the head table are my FILs and a couple of people who are FILs friends.
At our wedding we will not be having a traditional head table, we will be sitting at one of the regular tables with just my MOH (DD), MOH and her DH, and BM and his wife. I get to sit with my new husband why shouldnt they get to sit with their spouses.
1 Apr 2010 9:07 AM
11 Apr 2005
Sunshinemom
Postaholic
9,539
I also don't think it is rude but for sure outdated. Luckily we only had one attendant each and they were married to eachother so they sat with us as a couple. I think though if we had a bigger wedding party I would forgo the whole head table idea.
1 Apr 2010 10:36 AM
3 Mar 2010
Calgary
MizD
Fan
937
I've never seen spouses/SO seated at the head table. We're just having the wedding party at our table. It's true that the BM's girlfriend won't know very many people, but I think it's our job to create a seating plan that will put her in a table where she will have something in common with and can talk to those around her.
I think it would be strange to have her at the head table, I don't know her very well at all... BM is fine with it, as is she.
It's only for a couple of hours, and we have plenty of mingle and chat time so the wedding party can go and visit with spouses, friends, etc.
1 Apr 2010 10:58 AM
26 Oct 2005
TO
Gingy
Postaholic
8,194
The wedding traditions that have been most challenged and ommitted from weddings in recent years are the ones that have a tendency to be awkward and uncomfortable for others (i.e. bouquet tosses, receiving lines, big gaps between ceremony and reception, etc.)
This particular head table tradition is commonly defended as "That's the way it always is.." and "I've never seen it any other way", "It would look wierd otherwise", etc. But I wonder if this, too, will change over time as the whole concept of wedding parties seems to be changing as well. Twenty years ago, bridemsaids who weren't dressed identically would have "looked wierd" too, whereas now many brides are sensitive to the different body types, skin tones and personal styles of their friends. The shift away from "all about the bride" to a more inclusive, accommodating outlook seems to be driving the new trends in weddings. It will be interesting to see how things evolve in the near future. What's common now will seem strange to the WB'ers of the future.
31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
30 Apr 2012
buzzle.ca
buzzle
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1 Apr 2010 12:31 PM
1 Jan 2010
go_Brch
Unregistered
0
Most of our BP was SO of each other. Except my Sister's BF (she was my MOH) and one of the GMs wives - for us - we already had a big head table, had never been to a wedding where SOs were included at the head table, had very good spots for them at a regualar guest table (ie. my sister's BF was at my parent's table, GMs wife was seated with good friends and family) so for us... really a no brainer.
I've had to sit many weddings as a guest when DH was in BP - never even crossed my mind that I would be included in head table, but then we've been together for a long time and have mutual friends and get along with each other's families really well...
2 Apr 2010 12:36 AM
24 Jun 2009
Toronto
prosperegal
WB Chatterbox
354
I've heard that in some societies, only engaged couples need to be sat together (or rather, next to each other). Otherwise, it's a free-for-all.
3 Apr 2010 2:00 PM
18 May 2009
jaredsbride
WB Lurker
116
I've never heard of this being an issue! My bridal party has 4 guys and 4 girls, all with SO's. so you're telling me, in order to not be 'rude' I need to get a head table with enough room for 18 people?! who cares about it being rude..its logistically impossible!
3 Apr 2010 9:03 PM
10 Sep 2007
Misha726
Devotee
1,459
I've never considered doing it any other way. We have five attendants each, which includes one couple, and of the other eight, five of them have SOs. To have them all sit with us, would be insane (17 people at a head table is too much in my opinion) and I don't think any of them expect to sit at the head table. It's just dinner, after that and the bridal party dance they're free to do what they want.
3 Apr 2010 11:21 PM
11 Mar 2009
the Centre of the Universe
siorhona
Postaholic
7,643
We had a "head" table with us, MOH, MOH's sister (also a BM) and her BF, Best Man, GM and his GF.
My bro (GM) sat with his FW and their kids (also his exwife, teehee...j/k they get along great), SIL sat with her BF and DH's friends, BFF (BM) sat with her FH, their kid, and our mutual friends.
Everyone was happy. It worked for us.
I've sat apart from DH at a wedding. It was fine, not rude at all. I'm a big girl, I can handle eating dinner without him for an hour. It was important to the B&G to have the traditional head table, so they did.
OP: do it, it's fine.
8 Apr 2010 11:36 AM
4 May 2009
Ottawa, Ontario
MD2010
Weddingbeller
782
I would never think to have the spouses of the wedding party sit at the head table...that just seems really silly. They're old enough to handle themselves at a table without their spouses.
12 Apr 2010 8:43 AM
25 Jan 2006
Ontario
__Stef__
Addict
4,094
The rude factor aside, have you ever noticed how friggin bored members of the WP look sitting at the table during lulls in the dinner conversation, especially ones who are way out at the end? I've seen it at other weddings and saw it at my own (yes, I had a traditional head table). They're pretty much stuck talking to 1-2 people and if that person gets up to go mingle between courses and someone else doesn't want to, they're usually just sitting there by themselves.
If I could do it all again I would say no to the head table. The whole thing is just very awkward in my opinion.
To be honest, I think it's kind of a poor way of thanking your wedding party to have them sit apart from their spouses.
23 Apr 2010 3:29 AM
17 Nov 2009
Calgary, AB
lightningbug
New Member
41
Interesting reading all the responses. Any brides out there who did a Chinese banquet reception? Dinner is supposed to be like, 3 hours long, and now that I think about it, it seems a little long to be a sitting away from your SO. I think I will be asking the coupled-up members of the wedding party how comfortable their SO will feel sitting with others.
23 Apr 2010 2:36 PM
27 Dec 2009
B.C.
starryskies
WB Devotee
1,088
Our head table will be of the wedding party only. I've never been to a wedding where SO were seated at the head table. This is a table of honour and is to highlight the people who have meant the most to us in our lives. If their SO's were that important to us they would be in the wedding party. They are all grown ups and will be able to handle their own through dinner. I dont expect dinner to be longer than an hour, during this time they should be eating, or listening to speeches.
23 Apr 2010 2:39 PM
27 Dec 2009
B.C.
starryskies
WB Devotee
1,088
Our head table will be of the wedding party only. I've never been to a wedding where SO were seated at the head table. This is a table of honour and is to highlight the people who have meant the most to us in our lives. If their SO's were that important to us they would be in the wedding party. They are all grown ups and will be able to handle their own through dinner. I dont expect dinner to be longer than an hour, during this time they should be eating, or listening to speeches.
23 Apr 2010 4:19 PM
3 Jan 2009
zoobaby
Postaholic
6,506
The reason we opted against a head table had nothing to do with the wedding party being separated from their partners. It was because it is bloody awkward for all invovled to eat in a straight line, facing the room as everyone stares, being unable to speak to anyone except the people sitting immediately beside you.
23 Apr 2010 7:36 PM
9 May 2006
Pannecoeke
Postaholic
7,974
I just don't get this. Even if dinner was 8 hours long... can you REALLY not spend 8 hours (or more even?!) away from your spouse? Are you that co-dependent? I get that you're in love and of coruse you'd like to be together 100% of the time (apparently), but is it really that much of a hardship to be away from them (in the same room even, not different continents) for one entire day? I just can't comprehend this. I adore my DH, and I love spending time with him, but I can accept and respect the fact that when he is a part of a wedding party, his focus and "job" that day is with the wedding party. Not me. For that ONE DAY!
24 Apr 2010 9:11 AM
23 Sep 2009
Ottawa
Ariel2010
Addict
3,767
i get that everyone CAN be apart from their spouse for much longer than one day, if needed, but i'd want all of my guests to be comfortable and enjoy themselves, including the BP and their spouses.
i find it akward sitting at one table and FH sitting at another, just for the sake of tradition or because someone feels like it.
personally, my friends are not there to do a job, they're there to celebrate my wedding day with me and my future husband. i don't expect them to do anything but be there. i don't know how eating with BM's husband would stop her from doing a duty?
if my best friend is with someone, they are basically a package deal and i accept them as such and i wouldn't think of separating them, imho.
25 Apr 2010 9:27 PM
13 May 2009
GTA
muskn
Addict
3,770
I think that I will probably sit my BM's finance at our table (she is the only one in our party engaged.. no one married), but 2 of the other people have SO's I may not sit with us. Both couples have been together for a little while, but are still young. They may work out, they may not... I just don't think I want to look back on pictures of my head table and have people my bridal party were dating at the time. Is that weird?
If anyone was married, I would probably sit them at our head table... only because I've always found the tradition of not sitting them there a little weird. Nothing against it though, as I know it's a pretty common thing!
26 Apr 2010 2:32 PM
23 Jul 2009
Nova Scotia
5_Dimples
Raving Lunatic
11,402
Once again I learn something knew. I have never even heard of spouses sitting at the head table with the wedding party before...I'll be going to a wedding where I don't know anyone and FH is in the wedding party but that never bothered me...I'm pretty capable of entertaining myself and making conversation with people I don't know...
31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
30 Apr 2012
buzzle.ca
buzzle
New Member
0
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