FH and I received facebook invites yesterday to an "engagement" party that is making me question the Bride and Groom as well as the friend who is posting the party.
The couple have been engaged for almost a year and a friend is now hosting the party for them. That in itself doesn't seem like a big deal to me as their wedding is still a year away and I was looking forward to going to the event until I read the details:
Please come and celebrate the engagement of this wonderful couple whom we love so dearly!! Food, drinks and dessert will be served. We will also be collecting funds at the party to help them create their dream wedding day.
We really hope that you can make it to this long-overdue party!!!! Please rsvp by [date]. See you there!!!!!!
We also kindly ask that guests donate a minimum of $20/person for this event via an Inter...ac E-Mail Money Transfer to [email]upon rsvping, which is very easily and safely done through online banking. For more information, please see:
http://www.interac.ca/consumers/productsandservices_ol_emt.php My jaw hit the floor, not only are they asking people to help pay for THIS party, which is at least a bit understandable, they are asking people come prepared to make donations for their "dream wedding?" What a cash grab! I think what I find tackiest about this is the fact that even though they've turned their "engagement party" into a cash grab they have also left open tons of room for other cash grab opportunities, showers, a stag and doe and undoubtedly the donations toward the "dream wedding" would not be counted in lieu of wedding presents.
Has anyone else seen anything like this? What ever happened to hosting a wedding within your means?
28 Jul 2010 1:17 PM
18 Oct 2009
Steinbach, MB
tandr2
Addict
2,993
Wow! If it were me, I would decline and wouldn't attend any of the parties...if I received an invitation, then I would give an actual gift and not cash...that's insane.
Wow. Gross.
I'd rsvp no, and tell them I think it's a despicable idea.
28 Jul 2010 1:20 PM
14 Jul 2010
Cruising around...
Ms_Roc
Duchess of the Forum
24,223
I wouldn't go.
28 Jul 2010 1:21 PM
25 Feb 2009
Toronto, Ont
AriMi
Fan
828
Decline that sh*t...seriously this world is full of morons
I wouldn't go unless he1l froze over.
28 Jul 2010 1:24 PM
25 Oct 2009
vwdarling
Devotee
1,955
wow that's a whole new low... especially when they provide payment options
28 Jul 2010 1:27 PM
14 Mar 2009
T&C
Duchess of the Forum
20,838
It has to be a joke. Surely.
Do the bride and groom know about the money grab?
If so, I'm guessing that their wedding will be a very small affair. I likely wouldn't be attending after an invite like that and would be questioning my friendship with them...
28 Jul 2010 1:30 PM
13 Oct 2009
Vancouver, BC
sbj
Fan
533
That's the most brutal thing I have seen in my life. I would definitely decline.
28 Jul 2010 1:38 PM
12 May 2010
monkeyup
Fan
576
I think that perhaps the way it was worded could be better! And I think the payment option might be a little over-the-top.
But...in Southern Ontario we call this a Stag and Doe (Jack and Jill, whatever). It's an event that is a fundraiser for the couple and is marketed as such. Having one is usually done IN ADDITION to any other wedding events. The intent is specifically to make a profit and the couple can use it towards their wedding day or honeymoon.
The only difference to me sounds like the amount of effort? Stag and Does usually have music and entertainment and it's almost like buying a ticket to a major party.
So, events like this aren't unusual (at least around here), but people usually call it a "Stag and Doe" not an engagement party.
28 Jul 2010 1:50 PM
22 Sep 2008
Alberta
muggins
Addict
4,711
Wow. Seriously wow.
I wouldn't go at all. I may send the bride and groom a small congrats token for their engagement (like a bottle of wine or something) but not cash.
28 Jul 2010 1:53 PM
20 Oct 2009
kahicpep
Devotee
1,253
you have plans. simple as that
28 Jul 2010 1:56 PM
29 Apr 2006
Nova Scotia
obelles
Fan
600
Wouldn't be going if it were me.
28 Jul 2010 1:59 PM
2 Jun 2010
WhirlyGirl
Chatterbox
424
If it's a fundraiser (like a stag and doe or a social) then that's one thing, but to ask for money to put the party on itself? And to put payment options on the invite? That would totally put me off wanting to go too.
28 Jul 2010 2:15 PM
12 Sep 2007
Winnipeg, Manitoba
Mae
WB Postaholic
6,992
Wow how tacky
I'm sorry but if you can't afford to pay for your own wedding you should not be getting married. You should never rely on anyone but yourself to support funding for anything.
28 Jul 2010 3:14 PM
13 May 2009
GTA
muskn
Addict
3,770
This sounds like the beginning of what will likely be a whole bunch of cash grabs... I wouldn't be surprised if they have a "money shower" then a "stag and doe" in addition to this party...
28 Jul 2010 4:18 PM
13 Jun 2008
Unknown
Anonymous173
Unknown
7,861
wow - i've never seen people send out instructions for online cash transfers in an invite before. not very classy!
28 Jul 2010 4:22 PM
14 Jul 2010
Cruising around...
Ms_Roc
Duchess of the Forum
24,223
A friend of mine's parents received an invite to a wedding that had the "honeymoon" fund IN the invitation, and instructions on where they could give the money and how (debit, credit card, money order) that was most of the documentation in the invite apparently. They even had forms to fill out to give the money.
Least this is at the party level...
As for the comments about the bride/groom not knowing, if the party is NOT a surprise, I'd ask if they know, or mention it to the one they are closer with to see. If you feel the need to give them an engagement gift, I'd send them something rather than going to the party (but that's IF they didn't know about the $$ party.
If they did... nothing.
28 Jul 2010 6:25 PM
17 May 2009
6thyear
Addict
4,896
DECLINE!
28 Jul 2010 7:37 PM
20 Jun 2009
Winnipeg, MB
RockSteady
Devotee
1,006
That is pretty bad. I likely would not go, just send a bottle of wine or something.
28 Jul 2010 7:44 PM
25 Oct 2009
vwdarling
Devotee
1,955
It's kind of an awkward question to ask the bride and groom because who knows, maybe they DID know about it... so what then? Do you tell them flat out to their face that it's so rude?
28 Jul 2010 7:45 PM
27 Feb 2010
guancia
Devotee
2,062
I would probably decline as well. I understand that they may not be able to afford their dream wedding, but why put that burden on your guests? We can't afford a big wedding on our own and honestly if there was no money and help coming from our parents, we would have eloped.
28 Jul 2010 9:39 PM
3 Jun 2005
Toronto
goldengraham
Devotee
1,263
get out! This can't be for real!
28 Jul 2010 9:52 PM
21 Apr 2010
Red_
Addict
3,474
so tacky!
31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
30 Apr 2012
buzzle.ca
buzzle
New Member
0
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28 Jul 2010 10:13 PM
8 Jul 2009
Calgary, Alberta
applegreenbride
Weddingbeller
835
Cash grab for sure. There are better ways of going about it. Totally tacky.
29 Jul 2010 2:26 AM
26 Nov 2009
Vanncouver, BC
KayDub
Weddingbeller
862
In places like Winnipeg this is quite common. It's called a Social and its basically like a fundraiser for the wedding....very foreign idea to us on the west/east coasts
29 Jul 2010 5:41 AM
8 Aug 2008
MooseHead
Raving Lunatic
10,422
I don't care if this is quite common in Winnipeg (and really, in Winnipeg, are they worded like this?). I am not in Winnipeg but am very familiar with stag & doe, social, shag or whatever. This is NOT how it is done.
Often there is debate on what is considered tacky or not - this one here, there is no doubt.
If these people REALLY tried, could they have done worse? I don't think so. Whoever is setting this up, I would say all they've managed to do is offend a good amount of people and eliminate a good amount of cash that may have been coming to this couple.
29 Jul 2010 9:16 AM
5 Feb 2010
meag27
Devotee
1,070
Wow! This doesn't really seam like a 'stag and Doe' and to have it a year before the wedding would be a little odd too.
29 Jul 2010 9:18 AM
24 Jun 2009
Toronto
prosperegal
WB Chatterbox
354
Until I started reading this board, I had never heard of a Jack and Jill where the couple receive money to fund their wedding. I had always thought that a Jack and Jill/Stag and Doe as a co-ed wedding shower. The couple MIGHT receive money as a gift, but it isn't supposed to be for money.
29 Jul 2010 10:01 AM
10 Nov 2003
Seattle, WA
tatania199
Addict
4,457
I need about 30k in backyard landscaping done.
Anyone want to come to my "housewarming"?
29 Jul 2010 11:32 AM
11 Jan 2010
Sherwood Park, AB
Murdoch
Fan
810
Eek. This just does not sound good.
Out of curiousity are they getting responses to the event? Positive? Negative? Comments?
29 Jul 2010 12:10 PM
9 Nov 2009
Toronto, ON
LisaTee
WB Lurker
51
In my opinion, if you can't afford to throw a party for someone, you don't. Period. You don't invite people and then ask them to pay for it. Same goes for a wedding. We waited until we could afford what we wanted THEN sent out invitations.
29 Jul 2010 6:24 PM
8 Aug 2008
MooseHead
Raving Lunatic
10,422
Just in case I worded myself wrong.
I am completely familiar with the social/stag&doe/whatever - as a matter of fact many family members are there in Winnipeg (one cousin getting married next weekend) and its not just Winnipeg + surrounding area that has them and they are completely acceptable and in some circles expected (I had one for my first wedding).
My point was, I don't care where you're from - this tactic is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. And I shouldn't be speaking for the people in these "circles" but if I were to bet, nobody I know would be going, participating or accepting.
This is close to the epitomy of no tact that I have heard of.
It is quite gracious of the people responding here to say "maybe the bride and groom aren't aware"....WELL MAYBE SOMEBODY SHOULD SAY SOMETHING TO THEM!!!!
Regardless of whether they know or not, this is "ruining" things for them. Me personally, I would never let the ringleader(s) of this circus live it down. Never. I'd always remember. Call me beotchy, I don't care, there's too many other people out there I can put an emotional and even financial investment in.
I honestly hope to read an update that this fiasco has been somehow cancelled or re-orchestrated otherwise I'm calling this a damn shame. Tsk tsk - just awful.
29 Jul 2010 6:30 PM
28 Dec 2005
Winnipeg
Nuevodia
Raving Lunatic
12,491
Sorry, MH, I meant to say that I agreed with what you were saying, but obviously forgot to put that in my post. Which has now been quoted so I can't edit it - but anyways, we're all in agreement that what the OP is faced with is not a social.
.
I'd be interested in an update as well.
29 Jul 2010 8:40 PM
29 Dec 2008
Calgary
CateFace
Raving Lunatic
14,596
Wow I am floored...
some people just don't get it..
29 Jul 2010 11:57 PM
27 May 2009
Calgary
MINIlover
Devotee
1,167
If I were the bride I would be mortified to find out my friend was demanding money to attend an engagement party thrown for me. If she's in on it, different story.
For the record I think "socials" and the like are a whole different ball of wax.
I can't believe this isn't a joke!!! Seriously, who would do that. If I had the nerve to do that, I highly doubt any of my friends would come and I'm sure I would never live that down! That is just awful!
1 Aug 2010 4:51 PM
25 Aug 2008
Brampton Ontario
MrsFillier
Devotee
2,444
Wow, some people have b@lls.
I would definitely be declining
1 Aug 2010 5:04 PM
27 May 2009
Calgary
MINIlover
Devotee
1,167
Given the updated bit of info I'm pretty sure I would be busy that day.
Some people...
2 Aug 2010 12:11 PM
4 Dec 2007
MrsHM
Chatterbox
488
I think I would be declining invites to everything. Engagement parties, socials, bridal showers and the wedding. I am not a bank machine. Once all these people contribute at all of their various functions will they also be expected to bring a nice gift?
2 Aug 2010 9:14 PM
2 Jun 2010
WhirlyGirl
Chatterbox
424
Yep, knowing that the Bride and Groom see nothing wrong with this, I definitely would decline and find someplace else I need to be that day. It would leave a bad taste in my mouth!
3 Aug 2010 5:06 PM
29 Dec 2008
Calgary
CateFace
Raving Lunatic
14,596
So I'm looking for an update
has anyone said anything to the B & G? Is everyone just hunky-dory with the whole thing?
So far it looks like a 50-50 split between those going and those not, but I'm guessing noone has said anything to the B&G, I would but I just don't know how to frame it.
"Hi, sorry I can't come to your engagement party, I think the whole event you're throwing is really tacky, I mean seriously? do you want to just tell me how much you're spending per plate for the wedding and I'll just cut you a cheque for mine and FH's right now? oh and how much is B's dress? I should really pay for at least a ruffle or two..."
I think that might not go over so well...a friend and I have offered to host a toast for them next time they're in our city since we can't make it, but I am somewhat tempted to send in a donation anyway (like 50 cents or so) with a note about what a worthy cause I think it is and asking for a tax receipt...
hmm maybe better if I don't broach the tackiness subject
5 Aug 2010 12:14 PM
27 Jun 2010
GTA
aug_bride11
WB Chatterbox
295
WOW! WTF! ....all I have to say!
7 Aug 2010 2:27 PM
15 Dec 2008
Toronto
LeoBaby
Forum Fan
791
It really appears as though they just now realized they cannot afford to have the wedding they want and this 'engagement party' is a lame excuse to make money off people.
Very distasteful. If they want money, I think they should be holding a stag party, or a social (i think that's what its called in the east?). Calling it an engagement party almost makes it seem like a cover up where as stags and socials people expect to give the couple money.
7 Aug 2010 8:35 PM
11 Sep 2009
whowho
New Member
30
There is a $10 minimum on interac transactions, so no 50 cent donations :+o
hahahaha! I actually LAUGHED when I read this! That's insane!!
13 Aug 2010 10:29 AM
9 Aug 2005
Wakefield, Quebec
LadyBaker
Weddingbeller
803
Ugh, I wouldn't go.
13 Aug 2010 6:04 PM
6 Feb 2010
Burrfan
WB Lurker
67
This is unbelievable. Why do they think it is okay? I can't believe people are this rude.
I heard about another wedding invite the other day that said on it something to the effect to not bring gifts, but guest could donate to the bride and groom's honeymoon fund. I think that is tacky too. People should be able to give whatever they want -- it is a gift after all.
31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
30 Apr 2012
buzzle.ca
buzzle
New Member
0
For more discussion like this or to reconnect with weddingbells.ca forum members, check out the forums at buzzle.ca!