12 Mar 2009 5:56 PM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
For all of you regular WBers, I used to be "gracekitson", but recently changed my name because I figured posting angry notes about my FMIL, etc. under my name would probably be a bad idea.
So many of you already know the drama with my FMIL. My family has dubbed it "FH Mama Drama". When we last left off, she e-mailed me to give me the names and addresses of the ADDITIONAL friends that she'd be inviting to our wedding. I'm not sure why she thought she had the right to invite people since we've never given her that impression, and since she isn't paying 1 cent for this wedding.
So FH spoke to his mother and told her that the list was full and, unfortunately, the people couldn't attend. She was "upset", but apparently got over it.
Fast-forward a few weeks to today, 2 days before my bridal shower in which she has invited 5 people I've never met before in my life. Fine, no big deal (though it was supposed to be family-only). I let it go because I don't want to deal with her sh*t anymore. I'll live.
I decided to e-mail her today to say hi, and basically say "see you on Saturday", and this is the e-mail I got. I have left people's names in because, frankly, it doesn't matter at this point.
_____
Quote:
I e-mailed (FH)the addresses for Lloyd & Leslie, Fe & Roy Santos & Jane Rohillah...you guys are sending the invitations????
_______
SERIOUSLY!?!? We have been through this. THE LIST IS FULL!
So I replied:
_______
Quote:
Unfortunately, we do not have the room to be adding anyone to the list, as I have already had to remove family members from the list to accommodate others, and quite a few people are coming without guests. Our venue has a capacity that, with vendors, we have already exceeded. I was under the impression that FH passed this information on to you weeks ago.
_________
This is seriously the reply that I just got from her:
__________
Quote:
Grace,
It seems to me that this wedding is all about you... in FH's side we only have 23 people going & that is if I include the 3 people I have invited as Juliet & Levi will be replaced by Lloyd & Leslie (their son and his wife), if it means that Chris (her boyfriend) & I have to miss the wedding so be it, but invite these people.
Mina
________
SERIOUSLY! Is this woman out of her damn mind!? First of all, we have only invited 46 people to the wedding. I don't know if she's ever picked up an effing calculator, but half of 46 is....*gasp* 23!!!
SHE WORKS IN A DAMN BANK!
*breathe*
Sometimes, with this woman, I feel like I'm being punked. Like this cannot possibly be my life. I'm SELFISH!? ALL ABOUT ME!? It's my flippin' wedding!!!!! And I did not put 18 months time, effort, sweat and creativity into this wedding for someone to tell me that it's "all about me".
ARGH!!!!
By the way, Juliet & Levy, friends of her's, couldn't come, so she claims Lloyd and his wife are taking their place. I'm sorry you think so! They were already replaced with others, and we are all out of invitations. So yeah, don't hold your breath Lloyd and wife!!
Why would people who hadn't received invitations to a wedding assume they were coming on someone else's word?
I'm telling you these people are going to show up at my wedding.
Not to mention I have to see this woman (and all her friends I've never met!) on Saturday night!!!!
I feel like I might explode. Seriously.
Oh, and she also said in her first e-mail that one of the women isn't coming to the shower, and I said "oh ok, did you tell the MOH (my sister that is throwing my shower)?", and she said "yes, your sister knows".
I e-mailed my sister to ask if she did, in fact, know, and she said:
_________
Quote:
Nope. Geraldine (guest) must be a Mennonite seeing that she doesnt have access to phones or email to let me know!
_________
She is just completely full of sh*t.
12 Mar 2009 6:03 PM
11 Jun 2008
British Columbia
MEP2010
WB Devotee
2,151
Wow I am so sorry this is happening to you!!!
12 Mar 2009 6:04 PM
9 Jul 2005
Around, SK
LadyAurora
Duchess of the Forum
20,003
Oh, Grace. Seriously, stop talking to her at all. Let FH do all the correspondence from now on. That way he can rip her a new one or at least put his foot down with her behaviour. I personally would have sent a thing back to her about giving up her spot with an "okay, sorry you can't make it then." But then, I'm a b1tch.
12 Mar 2009 6:09 PM
21 Feb 2008
Brinka
WB Addict
3,445
Grace, I don't know what to say!
Every time you post and I see that it's about your FMIL, I'm shaking my head at her before the page even loads.
She sounds supremely passive-agressive, which is a quality that I absolutely can't stand.
I agree with LadyA though - I just wouldn't even bother at this point. If people you didn't invite turn up at your wedding and there's not a spot for them, then there's not a spot and someone (not you or your FH) can tell them so.
I certainly don't envy you ... It must be so frustrating!
12 Mar 2009 6:11 PM
9 Jul 2005
Around, SK
LadyAurora
Duchess of the Forum
20,003
Oh, make sure you inform the venue about possible crashers and that they can remove them from the property or whatever it is they do if they show up.
12 Mar 2009 6:29 PM
8 Aug 2008
MooseHead
Raving Lunatic
10,422
I LOVED THIS!!!!!!
Quote:
This is seriously the reply that I just got from her:
__________
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grace,
It seems to me that this wedding is all about you... in FH's side we only have 23 people going & that is if I include the 3 people I have invited as Juliet & Levi will be replaced by Lloyd & Leslie (their son and his wife), if it means that Chris (her boyfriend) & I have to miss the wedding so be it, but invite these people.
Mina
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You DO need to breathe & calm down. That way you can put on your thinkin' cap and respond back to her appropriately about having her guests go in her place. Do it!!!
If FH can't handle this (no offence to him) then you might have to take the bull by the horns - someone needs to wear the pants right now.
I'm envisioning you a bull snorting & scuffing your feet behind the gate before its opened to meet the Matador. Ole!!!!
12 Mar 2009 8:18 PM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
So evidently when FMIL sent her last e-mail, she immediately called FH to berate him for what, she claims, was the "first time she was hearing about this". He was at work and busy, so he basically said "look mom, I don't give a crap, and I don't have time to deal with this sh*t", and she hung up on him. Always the mature one.
So I have two options now, as clearly calling her isn't going to go over well - she likely won't answer our calls.
OPTION 1
Reply to her e-mail tomorrow very matter-of-fact and in a very final way. Not really sure what I'd say, but something that included "In fact, this wedding is about FH and I, and all of the decisions that have been made in respect of the wedding, guest list included, were made by the both of us", "This topic is no longer up for discussion. Those who have received invitations from us are invited, and those who have not (Lloyd and his wife included) are not", and "If you and Chris choose not to come to the wedding, FH will be very disappointed, but that is your decision. Please let me know by the RSVP date what you have decided".
OPTION 2 (and FH's preferred choice)
Completely ignore her last e-mail and go on with our lives. The chances of her actually not attending are remote (unfortunately). Basically he's sick of dealing with her and her ridiculousness, and is over it.
While OPTION 1 is much more final and to the point, it opens up a longer discussion with her possibly responding, etc.
OPTION 2 is ideal because I don't have to deal with her, technically, but since my bridal shower is 2 days away, what if she shows up and tries to deal with it then? I wouldn't put it past her. Avoiding the issue also opens it up for being drawn out.
Basically I can't win!
FH says that if she's stupid enough not to attend his wedding, than good riddance - he doesn't care. I just find that so hard to understand because I'm so close to my family, but he is just not close to his mom. Still, it's hard not to blame yourself for everything when her attitude towards me is the reason this is all happening. I can't do much about it, and I definitely didn't provoke it, but still...
12 Mar 2009 10:20 PM
5 Dec 2008
Toronto
Nennifer
WB Chatterbox
328
Shessh! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!
If it were me, I would also go with option one.
I have a funny feeling that if you just ignore her, she'll take them coming as a "yes". She'll probably try to make her own invitations and send them out to them if you don't pound the idea into her head that these *extras* CANNOT attend.
I might even add that if anyone happens to show up who wasn't invited, they'll be sitting outside on the sidewalk eating pocket candy...just so she doesn't come up with any funny ideas.
Only THEN would I ignore her. She won't take it well, but it's not really your problem.
12 Mar 2009 10:23 PM
6 Apr 2008
Toronto, ON
Dursula
Weddingbeller
956
I am so irrationally peeved on your behalf that I'm just about ready to take ALL those addresses that she has sent you and send them a polite note letting them know that unfortunately they are not invited and to please disregard any invitations that are not coming from you and your FH directly.
12 Mar 2009 10:31 PM
27 Sep 2003
Guelph, ON
McMommy
WB Addict
4,726
why don't you just forward all of these posts to her e-mail acct?! HA! Wouldn't we all die to be a fly on her wall as she scrolled through them!
I feel for you and I'd love to hold her down so you could deliver a fresh one to her left cheek!
13 Mar 2009 7:40 AM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
Ok, what do you guys think about this as a reply? Remember that her last e-mail to me was:
Quote:
Grace,
It seems to me that this wedding is all about you... in FH's side we only have 23 people going & that is if I include the 3 people I have invited as Juliet & Levi will be replaced by Lloyd & Leslie (their son and his wife), if it means that Chris (her boyfriend) & I have to miss the wedding so be it, but invite these people.
Mina
Mina,
I'm sorry you feel this way. This wedding is, and always has been, about FH and I. Every decision made in respect of this wedding, including the guest list, has been made jointly by the two of us.
As I said before, our venue has a limit, and it has been exceeded already. The guest list was finalized by FH and I weeks ago, invitations are out, and those invited are non-negotiable and non-transferrable. If Juliet and Levy cannot come, I am sorry to hear it, but they need to return their RSVP to us as declined and we will decide who, if anyone, will replace them.
FH was given numerous opportunities to expand his side of the guest list, but declined. You were given the option of inviting friends because FH did not have a lot of family attending. My parents were not given a similar option, and do not have a single friend coming to this wedding.
As it stands, you have invited 10 people to our wedding - Juliet and Levy, Rose and Nam, Geraldine and Bill, Yolanda and Steve, and Dena and Vince. Since Juliet and Levy cannot make it, that leaves it at 8 people. We have not recieved RSVPs back from any of these people, but I assume, other than Juliet and Levy, that they will all be attending.
Only those people that we have sent invitations to directly are on our guest list. Anyone who has not received an invitation will not be receiving one.
If you and Chris decide not to attend the wedding, FH would be very hurt as you are the only family he has attending. However, that is your decision, and something that you need to discuss with FH. I am too busy to continue to address this issue. We made our decision, and we will be sticking to it.
As for the shower, please let my sister know if anyone else will not be attending tomorrow. She was not aware that Geraldine is away this weekend.
Grace
13 Mar 2009 8:14 AM
18 Jan 2008
Winnipeg, Manitoba
CuddlyGal
WB Chatterbox
362
I think that is very well written and it gets the point across. Doing nothing leaves you open to far too much opportunity for further drama and turmoil. This is your wedding, nothing should spoil that for you, especially someone translating a lack of response into "sure, invite whoever you please!"
I hope this gets smoothed over for you soon so you can enjoy the rest of your planning! And hopefully she cools it on the craziness.
13 Mar 2009 8:32 AM
27 Sep 2003
Guelph, ON
McMommy
WB Addict
4,726
My offer still stands for the beat down if all else fails!
I think your letter is perfect. Send it. Be done with it. Good luck at your shower - I for one would just not show up! I couldn't stand to be in the same room with MIL if she was pullin' this crap.
13 Mar 2009 8:32 AM
25 Feb 2009
Ottawa
LadyLuck
WB Devotee
2,311
Grace, I think your reply email is very well written. I would definitely send that. Sounds like your FMIL needs a good shaking!!
13 Mar 2009 8:38 AM
3 Aug 2008
GTA
jtz
Weddingbeller
895
not a bad letter, but i think it still has too much "explanation", which indicates you are justifying your position.
in your previous post you indicated you would be sending a much shorter, to the point, "final" email.
given how passive-aggressive she is (ugh!), i would leave out *all* explanations. For example, do NOT explain about the capacity of the venue, do not explain or re-hash or remind about FH having had the chance to expand his guestlist, or that your parents are not inviting friends. While all that is valid, it all sounds like justification, something that a passive-aggressive person can just sink their teeth into!
Do a shorter version of the same letter, leaving out all the justifications, making it more like about your final decisions, kind of like instructions to her. Pointing out that your FH and you are united on this is fine and should stay in there, IMHO.
Also, I would *not* put in there that FH would be hurt if she did not attend. Again, with any *normal* person that would be something I might say, but she is NOT acting like a normal person, and I would leave out ANYTHING that might give her something to go on. Might sound cruel, but after all this, you've got to treat this like you really mean to end it.
My sympathies, and good luck.
13 Mar 2009 8:45 AM
3 Apr 2006
Milton, Ontario
JackieShmackie
WB Devotee
1,832
Oh my God. The nerve! I can't believe she'd even sink so low as to suggest that she and her boyfriend wouldn't come so that others could be invited. Ugh. I feel for you. You sound like you're handling yourself pretty well.
13 Mar 2009 9:34 AM
14 Oct 2005
GTA, ON
mrsmat2b
Postaholic
7,744
I agree with jtz - it is good, but too long. You don't owe her that much of an explanation. I have edited it below.
*********************************
Mina,
I'm sorry you feel this way. This wedding is about FH and I. Every decision made in respect of this wedding, including the guest list, has been made jointly by the two of us.
Our venue has a limit, and it has been exceeded already. The guest list was finalized by FH and I weeks ago and invitations are out. No other invitations will be going out.
You were given the option of inviting friends because FH did not have a lot of family attending and we have not recieved RSVPs back from any of them. My parents were not given a similar option, and do not have a single friend coming to this wedding.
If you and Chris decide not to attend the wedding, that is your decision, and something that you need to discuss with FH.
As for the shower, please let my sister know if anyone else will not be attending tomorrow. She was not aware that Geraldine is away this weekend.
Grace
*********************************
I made it way less wordy (sorry) and more to the point. Also, I took your FH out from under the bus w.r.t. the part about giving your FH the option about adding more people but he declined. Not necessary.
Again, it was well written, but had some holes. I hope you will consider my version :P
13 Mar 2009 9:47 AM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
Ok yeah, I definitely agree that there's too much explanation. Good point.
I am going to take the original e-mail and seriously edit it to remove all explanation and "fluff", and stick more to the point (the "point" being that his mother is an *sshat).
Thanks everyone! I am going to send the e-mail in a few, and will let you know if she actually responds....but I really hope she doesn't.
The FH Mama Drama continues....!
13 Mar 2009 9:58 AM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
Alright ladies, here was my reply:
Quote:
Mina,
I'm sorry you feel this way. This wedding is, and always has been, about Casey and I. Every decision made in respect of this wedding, including the guest list, has been made jointly by the two of us.
As I said before, our venue has a limit, and it has already been exceeded. The guest list was finalized by Casey and I weeks ago. If Juliet and Levy cannot come, I am sorry to hear it, but they should return their RSVP to us as 'declined' and we will decide who will replace them.
Only those that we have sent invitations to directly are on our guest list. Anyone who has not received an invitation will not be receiving one.
As for the shower, please let my sister know if anyone else will not be attending tomorrow. She was not aware that Geraldine will be away this weekend.
Grace
Hopefully it was to the point, and she just leaves it alone. I copied FH on the e-mail, visibly, so she knows we're in this together. I imagine she'll respond - she isn't one to let things go when she doesn't get her way - but I'm done having this conversation with her. Further e-mails will be ignored, but I'll be sure to keep you guys updated!
13 Mar 2009 11:46 AM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
Well, as expected, I got a response from FMIL.
Quote:
Grace,
With all this crap going on just count us all out at your wedding, Chris & I will not be attending as well as all my friends, therefore you will have more room to invite other people.
Mina
Yup. That's right. Her solution for not getting her way and being allowed to invite MORE her own friends (on top of the 10 she's already invited) to our wedding (of 50 people), above and beyond the capacity of the venue (which is 50 people), is to say she and her bf won't be coming to our wedding, and neither will her friends.
She's taking her ball and going home.
Everybody wins!
I guess that means she won't be coming to my shower tomorrow?
I forwarded the e-mail to FH, and his exact words were "oh well, so be it". Well said.
13 Mar 2009 11:56 AM
5 Dec 2008
Toronto
Nennifer
WB Chatterbox
328
Wow! Unbelievable! How can someone be so selfish and heartless??
She's probably just saying that to get a reaction out of you and FH, and probably doesn't mean it. I'd call her bluff.
13 Mar 2009 12:01 PM
25 Feb 2009
Ottawa
LadyLuck
WB Devotee
2,311
Wow! I cannot believe her response back to you. Very childish, you'd think she was back in public school.
Good for you and FH to ignore any further emails. She is just looking for a reaction because she didn't get her way. Just don't give in (not that it seems you will anyways).
13 Mar 2009 12:02 PM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
Quote:
I'd call her bluff.
We plan to just ignore her now, and let the RSVPs come in. If we have not heard from any of her friends prior to the RSVP deadline (which is 3 weeks prior to the wedding), than we will still call them and ask if they plan to attend or not. They received invitations from us, so she does not have the power to "uninvite" them on our behalf.
If she does not RSVP either way by the deadline, we will assume she's not coming and proceed accordingly.
I find it VERY hard to believe she won't come. VERY. This woman is clearly all talk. And if she doesn't come, like FH said, "so be it". She will look back one day and really regret the fact that she let something that's out of our control and so painfully petty keep her from attending the most important day of her only son's life.
13 Mar 2009 12:18 PM
8 Aug 2008
MooseHead
Raving Lunatic
10,422
I really like your FH's attitude of "oh well, so be it". Literally live that attitude. I really would leave it at that. This is just crazy - seriously!!! I'm sure your FMIL has her version of it all, you're this, that & the other but so what. Don't play this game anymore.
At this point, not that you're asking, but if I were to give you advice I'd say you've done EVERYTHING possible but stop now. DO NOT DO OR SAY ONE MORE THING! Do yourself a favour and do not give this one more moment of stress or like you're FMIL, you'll regret it. You will wonder why you put so much time & ENERGY into this nonsense - participating in this sh!t will bring you nothing! No good will come out of it. She is acting like an immature spoiled brat and quite honestly like a misbehaving kid, doesn't deserve to "go to the party" if you KWIM
Now is the time to enjoy your upcoming wedding. Enjoy the anticipation & excitement of it all. You stressing = she wins (what she's winning I don't know
)
And BTW, I never did understand...the couple that couldn't come, is there any reason they have to be replaced? And if they do need to be replaced why does the FMIL get to replace them?
Quote:
Quote:
I'd call her bluff.
We plan to just ignore her now, and let the RSVPs come in. If we have not heard from any of her friends prior to the RSVP deadline (which is 3 weeks prior to the wedding), than we will still call them and ask if they plan to attend or not. They received invitations from us, so she does not have the power to "uninvite" them on our behalf.
If she does not RSVP either way by the deadline, we will assume she's not coming and proceed accordingly.
I find it VERY hard to believe she won't come. VERY. This woman is clearly all talk. And if she doesn't come, like FH said, "so be it". She will look back one day and really regret the fact that she let something that's out of our control and so painfully petty keep her from attending the most important day of her only son's life.
Good for you. Seriously, you have done your best in this situation, and your FMIL is, as they say, 'actin' a fool!'
She has left you with no option. Your letter was really well written and to the point, and not mean at all. I say if she decides last minute to come, fine, but treat her like every other guest. She doesn't deserved to be fawned over as the mother of the groom after her behaviour.
Sheesh!
31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
30 Apr 2012
buzzle.ca
buzzle
New Member
0
For more discussion like this or to reconnect with weddingbells.ca forum members, check out the forums at buzzle.ca!
13 Mar 2009 12:26 PM
9 May 2006
Pannecoeke
Postaholic
7,974
Oh man, your FMIL is a treat. I can't even believe this stuff! Keep us updated
13 Mar 2009 12:27 PM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
Quote:
And BTW, I never did understand...the couple that couldn't come, is there any reason they have to be replaced? And if they do need to be replaced why does the FMIL get to replace them?
Exactly! The couple that cannot come does not need to be replaced. We do not need a minimum number attending. And we explained to her previously that if they were, in fact, to be replaced, we would be choosing who replaced them.
I think she figures because the people who would be replacing them are their son and his wife, it's "all in the family". Unfortunately for her, it doesn't work that way.
All this nonsense over three people! I think she must have already invited them and now she has to withdraw the invitations, otherwise she wouldn't be making such a fuss. She is embarassed and is trying to back peddle, and thinks that threatening not coming to the wedding will convince us.
13 Mar 2009 12:37 PM
24 Apr 2007
New Brunswick
Moexx
Postaholic
6,760
I honestly did not know people like her existed outside of my television.
13 Mar 2009 12:40 PM
23 Apr 2008
Jugie
Addict
2,967
I think its really sad that she would rather have her friends there and save face then attend her own sons wedding! Make sure you give hubby lots of extra love this week, i'm sure though he says he doesnt care it probably bothers him more then he is letting on!
Good luck!
13 Mar 2009 12:48 PM
14 Oct 2005
GTA, ON
mrsmat2b
Postaholic
7,744
hahahahhahahahahaha
seriously? she'd rather not be at her OWN SON'S WEDDING?????
This woman needs to give her head a shake.
I know you are going to let it go (and that is best, like all of the ppers said), but seriously, the next time she says ANYTHING about the wedding, I would quickly come back with something about her saying that she wasn't attending......
for example: "oh, well I am not sure why it matters to you what food will be there, last we heard, you weren't attending the wedding"
B/c I seriously would let this slide NOW, but not later, when she tries to sweep this under the rug.
13 Mar 2009 4:04 PM
18 Dec 2007
Alberta
IslandBound
WB Lurker
202
Quote:
I honestly did not know people like her existed outside of my television.
Ditto.
It's unreal how this woman is treating you! Beyond crazy!
13 Mar 2009 5:31 PM
3 Jan 2009
zoobaby
Postaholic
6,506
Quote:
At this point, not that you're asking, but if I were to give you advice I'd say you've done EVERYTHING possible but stop now. DO NOT DO OR SAY ONE MORE THING! Do yourself a favour and do not give this one more moment of stress or like you're FMIL, you'll regret it. You will wonder why you put so much time & ENERGY into this nonsense - participating in this sh!t will bring you nothing! No good will come out of it. She is acting like an immature spoiled brat and quite honestly like a misbehaving kid, doesn't deserve to "go to the party" if you KWIM
Now is the time to enjoy your upcoming wedding. Enjoy the anticipation & excitement of it all. You stressing = she wins (what she's winning I don't know )
I strongly, strongly agree with this. If she emails you again, I would recommend deleting it right away. Any interaction you have about this will further inflame the situation. She's obviously into some stupid power struggle, and if you don't engage her, she can't continue.
What a nightmare!
15 Mar 2009 3:44 AM
31 Mar 2008
Calgary, AB
chelseyjay
Weddingbeller
527
Oh my god is this woman for real?! Grace I am so sorry you've got an invite nazi FMIL! That's nuts. If you ask me she is a few fries short of a happy meal and is making a mountain out of a mole hill. (Please excuse the excessive cliche expresions and chalk it up to my shock at her behaviour.)
I don't know her but I wouldn't be surprised if she gave you that ultimatum (of sorts) to get her point across but I doubt she would actually blow off her son's wedding. I wouldn't give into her temper tantrum. You've dealt with the situation impecably!
Maybe she secretly smokes a lot of dope and that's why she's so forgetful...and that might account for her inability to do simple math...
16 Mar 2009 10:30 AM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
So, as you know, I had my bridal shower on Saturday night.
Following FMIL's rant about not attending our wedding, she messaged FH on his mobile to "apologize", and said she didn't want to fight. She called him Saturday morning, but he was at work and didn't take her call. He attempted to call her back, but her boyfriend said she was at the hair salon. FH said he'd keep me posted to let me know whether or not she was planning on attending the shower. I assumed not, but the hair salon comment threw me. Was she getting her hair done for my shower, or did she already have an appointment for that day because of the shower, and was just going to it anyway, despite not planning to attend?
Personally, I didn't want her there, but I wanted some warning as to whether she would show.
He tried to get in touch with her all afternoon and evening - no response.
I got to my shower at about 7:10 p.m., and by 7:30 p.m. everyone was there....except FMIL and her EIGHT friends. Yes, that's right, EIGHT people (only 2 of whom I'd met before), PLUS his mother, did not show!
We waited until 7:30 p.m. to start the activities, which was the plan anyway, and didn't see hide nor hair of a single one of them all evening.
We have yet to speak to FMIL. She hasn't gotten in touch with FH since Saturday morning, and we haven't tried to call her since.
Yup!
I don't give a rat's @ss that she didn't come. Am I angry that she did something so hateful, spiteful and immature? Yes. Did we have an AWESOME time because she (and the strangers she invited) didn't show? YES!
That being said, what an @sshole. She completely inconvenienced my sister. NINE people! We had food and alcohol paid for 30 people, and 21 showed. B*tch.
I fully expect to see a nasty e-mail any moment from my sister to my FMIL. She said she's going to send her an e-mail with a list of all of the people that RSVP'd yes, and that didn't show (e.g., all of them!), and then tell her that "in the future, when I plan an event that you RSVP to, I'd appreciate it if you showed up, or at least let someone know that you and all 8 of your guests won't be attending". I'm not having anything to do with it, because I am not speaking to her about any of this, but my sister is way too p*ssed to let it go, and just wants to get it off her chest.
She may not end up e-mailing her now that she's had time to settle down LOL. We'll see.
Anyway - thought you'd all just love that new development!!
16 Mar 2009 10:40 AM
25 Feb 2009
Ottawa
LadyLuck
WB Devotee
2,311
WOW!!! I cannot believe she didn't show up (and her friends to boot!). How immature is that? Seriously, your FMIL is worse than a 3 yr old pouting that she isn't getting her way.
Glad you and FH are not letting it bother you. I would be livid if I were you. Good on you for being the bigger person in this situation!
16 Mar 2009 10:46 AM
23 Aug 2005
Ajax
Ironbutterfly
WB Postaholic
5,281
What a b*tch. That's all I can say. *shakes head* Let her be immature, she's the one that looks like a complete idiot right now.
16 Mar 2009 10:51 AM
6 Sep 2007
Vernon BC
Milla
WB Postaholic
9,722
16 Mar 2009 11:06 AM
8 Aug 2008
MooseHead
Raving Lunatic
10,422
That was really low. What I'd be curious about is how she handled this with her friends. She got them to RSVP that they were going and then turned around and had them not go. What an idiot; makes you wonder what type of friends she has on top of all this.
She should be ashamed of herself. I agree with others, she's making herself look like a fool.
16 Mar 2009 11:07 AM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
Quote:
Good for you for having an awesome shower!!! Where are the pics!!???
I didn't take any myself, but some others did. I'm sure they will send them my way this week, and I'll be sure to post them for you guys.
I am just glad to hear you had a great time at your shower. If I was your sis, I would be totally pissed! I kind of hope she does sent an email of some sort, people need to know it's not okay to RVSP and not come, without even a warning.
At least you have 21 great friends and family members who could be there to make your day fabulous!
This FMIL is one for the books!
16 Mar 2009 7:58 PM
5 Jan 2007
Regina, SK
samadhi
Forum Addict
3,842
I kind of had a similar problem with my MIL, and in the end, honestly, all was forgotten and it wasn't a big deal that those people who "MUST BE THERE" weren't there.
One thing I did in regards to the "how many peole is your family inviting versus ours" was to send her a guest list, with names, divided by "sides". It was a good visual for her to see that yes, infact HER family and friends were the majority of the guest list above my family and our friends. I also broke down the numbers of her side versus my side, adults to kids, and how many people the venue could hold versus how many were invited. She kept holding grudges over certain people she said we were claiming couldn't come, but were on the guest list, and she knew very well were on the guest list, but still made a scene about them not being invited. By her having the guest list in her hands, I was able to reference it everytime she complained about something to show her her complaints weren't valid.
16 Mar 2009 9:09 PM
14 Oct 2005
GTA, ON
mrsmat2b
Postaholic
7,744
Wouldn't you just love to have your sister CALL each of those EIGHT people and casually "wonder why you rsvp'd yes if you weren't planning on attending?" I would LOVE to hear them stammer!!!
Better yet - PM the list and their phone numbers to me. They don't know who I am - and I swear to you, I'll call them. Rude people is one of my pet peeves, and I believe they need to be called on their actions!
17 Mar 2009 8:53 AM
21 Oct 2005
Burlington
misszoob
Addict
4,737
Quote:
Wouldn't you just love to have your sister CALL each of those EIGHT people and casually "wonder why you rsvp'd yes if you weren't planning on attending?" I would LOVE to hear them stammer!!!
It would be pretty funny for your sister to call "concerned" and wanting co check in that nothing was wrong...since they didn't show and didn't call to let her know they couldn't attend.
17 Mar 2009 9:45 AM
18 Dec 2008
Ottawa
Erin80
WB Devotee
1,809
I wonder what your FMIL said to her friends to orchestrate the bridal shower no-show? There was a plan made, which makes your FMIL the biggest douche EVER. Who plans to snub a FDIL??? GROW UP, LADY.
Just remember, you're marrying your man, not his entire family, contrary to what some ppl say.
17 Mar 2009 10:21 AM
17 Apr 2006
Ottawa
Linds81
Devotee
2,275
Wow! I've been kind of following along with your story and your crazy MIL. She's pulling quite the little stunt now isn't she? Other people have said it, and I agree... she seriously needs to grow up. That's great that FH is backing you 100%!
Best of luck... hopefully this all works out to your favour!
17 Mar 2009 10:25 AM
10 Jul 2007
Gatineau, Quebec
carolin
WB Devotee
1,719
Quote:
Just remember, you're marrying your man, not his entire family, contrary to what some ppl say.
I wish that was true - but unless you're planning on cutting your DH off from his entire family, and risk having him resent you, then you're unfortunately stuck dealing with his family.
My DH is 150% on my side when it comes to dealing with his family, and we still have to deal with their issues all the time. It's much easier when DH backs you up, but like I said, not entirely avoidable.
17 Mar 2009 11:29 AM
18 Dec 2008
Ottawa
Erin80
WB Devotee
1,809
Quote:
I wish that was true - but unless you're planning on cutting your DH off from his entire family, and risk having him resent you, then you're unfortunately stuck dealing with his family.
My DH is 150% on my side when it comes to dealing with his family, and we still have to deal with their issues all the time. It's much easier when DH backs you up, but like I said, not entirely avoidable.
Ya, agreed. Women who start sh*t with their MILs have to think twice about the lifetime of tension it could create for themselves, as well as their husband and his family. I mean, some women don't have a choice and their MILs are crazy. BUT, whenever possible, avoid a confrontation. Be the bigger person and ignore the snotty remarks or attempts to goad you into an argument. Your MIL will be around a long time. Grace, this doesn't necessarily apply to you, it's just a general rule of thumb.
In terms of your in-laws, you don't have to love them, but you do have to be civil if/whenever possible. You don't have to see them all the time if you aren't a huge fan, but you DO have to honor and foster your husband's relationship with his own family. You can't be messing around with his family business, that's a biiiiig mistake.
17 Mar 2009 12:09 PM
27 Sep 2003
Guelph, ON
McMommy
WB Addict
4,726
Not only do I hope your lovely sister sends that e-mail but I also hope she points out an exact address that the missing, yet invited guests can forward their shower gifts to!
I'm sort of glad she didn't show....you must have been so much more relaxed and natural!
17 Mar 2009 12:47 PM
22 Oct 2007
punkrock
WB Devotee
1,149
Quote:
Women who start sh*t with their MILs have to think twice about the lifetime of tension it could create for themselves, as well as their husband and his family.
I guess it's a good thing then that the FMIL was the one that started the sh*t, and didn't put much thought into the tension it currently IS creating between everyone, especially FH and I.
FMIL is FH's only family. Just her. His dad is completely absent, and has been since he was a baby. His mom had him when she was 20. By 7 he was a latch-key kid, on his own, while his mother went out with her friends to the disco. Half the photos he has of childhood are of her posing in short-shorts and tube tops (hellloo 1970's!) while he plays in the background alone. Seriously...she left him on his own, sans-babysitter, when he was SEVEN.
FH has never had a close relationship with his mother. She sent him to his dad's in Vancouver "for the summer" when he was 12, and then informed him come September that he wasn't coming home. His dad had a new wife and two babies at the time. FH moved out on his own at 17 and has lived alone ever since.
He used to go years w/o talking to his mother. She had better things going on in her life, I guess.
While I do have concerns about him cutting off contact with him ONLY active family member, when your only active family member also happens to be sabotaging your relationship with your FW, and making your lives miserable, my sympathy seriously decreases.
Family or not, you don't treat people like sh*t. Period.
17 Mar 2009 12:50 PM
31 Jul 2006
Around the bender!
ms_taken
Postaholic
6,952
All I can say is wowwee what a fruit-cake!! Call me crazy but I'm pretty sure this woman needs to get evaluated by a mental health professional!!
31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
30 Apr 2012
buzzle.ca
buzzle
New Member
0
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