114
 44,833

 Need an opinion

  1 2 3   
Hi, I'm new to the forum.. was pointed to it by a close friend of mine.

Now i assume this site is composed mainly of females, from what i saw by browsing.. anyways, i need your opinion.

My fiancee and I want to get married in the near future, and she came up with the idea, that i should sell my car (2007 Mustang GT) to pay for our wedding. Her reasoning is, we won't need it after the wedding as we do plan on having children soon after..

Now i can kind of see her point, that the car is paid off, and could easily fetch us 20,000$ for the wedding, but it is my baby. I suggested she could perhaps sell some of her thousands of dollars worth of jewlery, watches, designer bags, etc..

But then she got mad at me, and she doesn't seem to want to compromise.. She is stuck on the fact that the car will no longer be useful to us (even though i did point out, it has room for child seats in the back when we do use it) including all the child anchors, etc.. that are needed.

We seem to be fighting more and more about such a stupid thing, but anyways..

She knows i use my car a lot for activities such as lapping, road trips, etc.. and she knows how much it means to me.

So I can't see why she would want me to sell it.. *confused*

Would you make your husband to be sell his biggest passtime to pay for your wedding?

Or am I just overreacting and should do that to please her?

Thanks,

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 19 Apr 2010 3:59 PM
 9 Jul 2005
 Around, SK
LadyAurora
Duchess of the Forum
20,003
I think your FW is stuck on some specific idea of what married life looks like and isn't willing to give it up. You two need to sit down, when you aren't angry, and discuss what marriage means and what a wedding means.

Do you really need a $20,000 wedding if what you do to get it makes your partner resent you? And let her know that you will resent it because it sounds like you will. Nothing kills a relationship faster.

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 19 Apr 2010 4:01 PM
 19 Apr 2010
 Ottawa ON
MisterRight
WB Devotee
1,376
Well i do invest quite a bit in my car,

In the last few years, i've probably blown close to 15,000$ in modifications to make it safer (aka so i don't leave her fianceeless) for my lapping/tracking events.

I think it's her devilish plan to have me stop tracking/racing with my friends at the same time. She knows it costs us a lot for my hobby.

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 19 Apr 2010 4:01 PM
 13 Jul 2006
 GVA, wishing it was GTA
tjrocks
Empress of the Forum
30,378
No, it's not right of her to ask you to sell your car to pay for the wedding she's imagined. Marriages are about compromise and so are weddings. You need to find a solution to both pay for the wedding together.

Though, even if you sell your car, you're going to need some form of transportation. If the money from the car goes toward the wedding where's the money for the babymobile supposed to come from?

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 19 Apr 2010 4:06 PM
 29 Jan 2006
 Steveston, BC
CowgirlSissy
Postaholic
9,721
If YOU don't want to sell the car, then DON'T sell the car.
She may be mad but she'll get over it.
If you sell the car because she's pressuring you, it's only going to come back up in future arguments.

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 19 Apr 2010 4:09 PM
 29 Jan 2006
 Steveston, BC
CowgirlSissy
Postaholic
9,721
with more and more details coming out, i say spend the $$ on some couples councilling before anything else. it's not something you'll ever regret, and you will be able to get a better understanding of each other, and your different thoughts & concerns.

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 19 Apr 2010 4:10 PM
 9 Apr 2010
KarenH
WB Lurker
121
I totally would never make my FH sell anything that he loves, as much as you seem to love your mustang. I agree with LadyAurora, you'll only end up resenting her. My FH and I are mutually raising money to contribute to the wedding, which we are soley responsible for. Consider having a "social", or a fund-raising party wih music, door prizes, food and. of course, cocktails. wink

For something that is meant to bring a couple together, it's important to be able to come together to make decisions regarding such a huge event.

If she wants to have a huge wedding, right on. But she should also be willing to contribute.

That's my opinion, for what it's worth.

smile

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 19 Apr 2010 4:12 PM
 11 Dec 2008
 Ottawa
Dreas
Devotee
1,910
Hi Grabber, this is Mrs Blind. Blind says to get off the woman's board and come back to racing boards.

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 19 Apr 2010 4:15 PM
 27 Oct 2009
 GTA, ON
Daisy-May
Chatterbox
346
No - I would never ask my future husband to do this, especially without also selling something that was just as significant to me to contribute equally. I would be so worried that he would end up resenting me or the wedding because of it. I used to have 2008 Mustang GT and I understand the enjoyment you get from it. Maybe she is worried about the continuing cost of this hobby and your safety... My father used to race cars when he met my mother 35 years ago and the only way she woudl say "yes" to his proposal was for him to give up race-car driving. Maybe this is her motive?

I think you should talk to her about it again and make sure she understands how you feel. Also, there are so many beautiful ways to have an amazing wedding without needing $20 000. I think if a wedding is going to financially strain you two past your comfort zones, negative thoughts and feelings are going to replace the fun and loving feelings of your start into marriage.

I hope it all works out for you!!

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 19 Apr 2010 4:20 PM
 11 Dec 2008
 Ottawa
Dreas
Devotee
1,910
Ya, he is part of a car forum with my husband- they know each other.

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 19 Apr 2010 4:25 PM
 19 Sep 2005
Ms_Married
Duchess of the Forum
21,087
Do the two of you have your finances merged (or not merged) in a way that you are both comfortable with and that will continue after the wedding?

I am hearing from your posts that you are putting a lot of money into a pastime that you think your fiancee is not comfortable with, and at the same time the two of you can't agree on a budget for the wedding or on how to finance the wedding.

I think perhaps the car itself is not the main issue here. It sounds like the two of you are not on the same page yet when it comes to finances and what your priorities are going to be post-wedding.

ETA: For the record, my DH's 'baby' is currently parked in the backyard, unlicensed, waiting for us to resolve our on-going discussion over the car. We only need one vehicle so it's not licensed, but he doesn't want to sell it without fixing it up first. And we have neither the time nor the money to fix it up...so, for the moment, it sits.

So, to answer your original question, no I would not ask my husband to sell his vehicle to finance our wedding, but I do expect him to work with me as a team to figure out how that vehicle fits into our overall financial plan.

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 19 Apr 2010 4:26 PM
 1 Jan 2010
ScubaJan
Unregistered
0
id never ask my husband to sell his car either.

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 19 Apr 2010 4:30 PM
 1 Jan 2010
ScubaJan
Unregistered
0
my battle is to get mine to buy a cap for his truck..so when we have a baby and go north to the lake there is a spot for the three dogs..

but oooohhh noooo it will make his truck look so bad with the brand new rims and tires on it that I let him buy..

whoops..tangent!

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 19 Apr 2010 4:39 PM
 8 Aug 2008
MooseHead
Raving Lunatic
10,422
I might be able to understand her point of view if you were well into the marriage and you've got 4 kids and 2 dogs and she's whining for a mini van and you up and go out and buy the mustang at that point.

Right now, it sounds like you've BOTH got some indulgences and unless she's willing to come up with half the amount for her to play Cinderella for a day I wouldn't be selling anything. And even if she did, I'd be reluctant to do it even then. Seriously, why does someone have to give up something that is important for them to pay for something they don't even want? Now maybe you're some sooper dooper great guy and you could be talked into it, but after its all said and done, a one day party only, your car is history, don't you think you'll resent her and her party just a teensy bit???? (and this is an opinion coming from someone who places NO importance on a car).

I think she's "setting the tone" right now for the endurance of your marriage so good luck with that. Should be a fun ride for you wink vrooom vroooom

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 19 Apr 2010 4:48 PM
 31 Jan 2007
 Calgary (reception in Ottawa)
amberm145
Raving Lunatic
12,007
No, I wouldn't make my husband sell his car if that was important to him.

What are you going to sell to pay for the divorce?

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 19 Apr 2010 5:30 PM
 23 Sep 2009
 Ottawa
Ariel2010
Addict
3,767
i would never tell FH to sell anything so that i can have my dream wedding. if we were struggling, i might suggest that we sell that car (our, not mine or his), if it's really a 15000$ a year cost.

But, you guys are obviously not struggling, so i don't see the need to sell that car in order to pay for the wedding.

IMO, the issue is that she doesn't want you racing and spending money on modifications. it's not about the wedding at all. i can see how she might find that sport (?sorry, don't know much about it) unnecessary, but if it's your hoby and you were doing it before you met, she shouldn't ask you to give it up...

I suggest you sit down and discuss her issue with your hobby. then discuss the wedding budget and how you can put together the money to pay for it.

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 19 Apr 2010 5:35 PM
 19 Apr 2010
 Ottawa ON
MisterRight
WB Devotee
1,376
Thanks for your thoughts, i'll discuss this matter privately with her tonight and see how it goes..

wish me luck.

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 19 Apr 2010 5:51 PM
 24 Feb 2006
 back in Canada
brighteyes
Guru
18,946
It looks like you've already gotten some good advice, but I want to throw in my two cents. No one should HAVE to give up their passtime activities just because the get into a relationship OR get engaged/married. Asking your partner to sell something important to them isn't something you should do under any circumstance either.

If her issue is indeed with you racing and not just wanting the $$ toward the wedding (which sounds selfish IMO), the question you need to ask yourself is if you're willing to give it up for her? If you're not, is she okay with you still racing and is there anything you can do to make her more comfortable with it? If the two of you can't work out an agreement you're both happy with, the problems you're having will only continue and get worse once you're married. So before you sell your car or walk down the aisle, work out the answers.

Good luck!

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 19 Apr 2010 5:59 PM
 26 Nov 2009
MAWL
Addict
4,547
How'd it go.....???

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 19 Apr 2010 6:00 PM
 26 Jun 2009
 Montreal
Malkynn
Addict
4,839
I love the logic of not "needing" the Mustang after the wedding because you're going to have kids right away.

Apparently you have 2 other cars, so it's not like you "need" the Mustang now.

That logic makes NO SENSE.

This sounds to me like that terrible fallacy that men somehow change into "husbands" after they get married and all of their silly bachelor-type behaviours will suddenly disappear under the mystical magic of a gold band on their left hand.

oooooohhhhh
magic

Go check out the "unloading" thread to see how true that notion is.

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 19 Apr 2010 6:06 PM
 23 Feb 2006
 Calgary
luinge
Postaholic
5,542
I'm sorry she's putting you in such a situation.
I would only make DH sell his car if we were in such a situation that we needed the money for basics like food and shelter, NEVER for a wedding!!

IMHO it sounds like she's a lil spoiled, sorry!

Good luck!!!

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 19 Apr 2010 6:12 PM
 9 Jun 2009
MissW
WB Devotee
1,583
I would put my foot down. Honestly, if you give up the car, your baby, she will think she can dictate a lot of things that are probably more of a discuss and compromise type thing.

That being said, she shouldn't have to sell her jewelery.

I hope you find a solution that works. I rather like your backyard wedding...which could be Cinderella-y, if she could see past the price tag of things like Mustangs.

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 19 Apr 2010 7:39 PM
 3 Jan 2009
zoobaby
Postaholic
6,506
First off, I think it's better to save up for a wedding instead of feeling pressured to hawk one's things (unless you never use something or whatever.) And if this is the case, since a wedding is for TWO people, those TWO people should compromise about what they are selling - things that those TWO people use together as a couple. Seems more reasonable to sell old furniture, old CDs/DVDs, a firstborn child, etc. that you both accrued as a couple rather than singling out person one.

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 20 Apr 2010 8:41 AM
 19 Apr 2010
 Ottawa ON
MisterRight
WB Devotee
1,376
Ok So we discussed it while calming heads were present.. i asked her why it was so important for me to sell my car to pay for the wedding now, rather than just wait and spend it later.

Seems, according to her, that my freinds are bad influences on my spending habbits on my car. And that's why she wants the car gone, in her head, no car, means i don't hang out with them, and don't spend money on/in it ..

She thinks because my one friend spends all his money on mods instead of marriage and/or engagements (he did get engaged btw).. that i'll do the same thing to her..

So i told her she was nuts, as she was walking away from me. So i went for a drive in my car to clear my head, went back home a little while later.. and went to bed.. she was still mad at me for trying to pry information... and told me.. see you want to spend time in your car rather than be with me.. (i never win...)

I told her, Listen.. you can be mad at me today, you can be mad at me tomorrow.. but when we go to bed.. don't go to bed mad.. Then kissed her goodnight..

*sigh* We'll see how things go today..

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 20 Apr 2010 10:22 AM
 31 Jan 2007
 Calgary (reception in Ottawa)
amberm145
Raving Lunatic
12,007
But she is nuts! Just because 1 friend spends too much money on it and hasn't settled down doesn't mean OP will do the same thing.

However, perhaps telling her that is not the best way of handling it. Perhaps you can suggest a compromise? Offer a limit to what you will spend on the car and the amount of time you spend playing with it. Maybe she needs to see that the wedding is as important to you as it is to her, so maybe saying no money spent on the car while you save up for the wedding is an acceptable proposal.

My DH also has an expensive, dangerous hobby, and being married does not mean I get to decide he no longer gets to do it. But the money he spends on it is money he has earned and does not detract from his paying the mortgage or spending money on things I want to do. If it did, then I'd probably get b1tchy about it.

And as for the wedding, DH wanted a potluck. tongue *I* was the one who insisted on a hall, with everyone I know, with food for everyone. So I had to pay the bulk of it myself.

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 31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
 30 Apr 2012
 buzzle.ca
buzzle
New Member
0

Want to continue the discussion?

For more discussion like this or to reconnect with weddingbells.ca forum members, check out the forums at buzzle.ca!
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 20 Apr 2010 10:33 AM
 26 Jun 2009
 Montreal
Malkynn
Addict
4,839
You "told" her not to go to bed mad???

You do realize that that's not the way it works right?

Also, we may all have said that it's unfair for her to pressure you to give up something you love for an ostensibly silly reason, but that doesn't mean that her feelings are irrelevant and not worth exploring.

Yeah, it's pretty silly to immediately write you off as fiscally irresponsible because you have friends with similar hobbies who she perceives as wasting money...

THAT SAID, sit her down and explain to her how you differ from them and WHY her fears are unjustified.

Your future wife is concerned about the influence of your friends on your fiscal responsibility. Don't you think that's something that is INSANELY IMPORTANT to discuss in a respectful manner?

I don't know you, I don't know your fiance, you both might be complete looney toons with no common sense. Who knows?
What I do know is that no matter who you are or how you feel about it, things like money are important to be able to talk about in a productive way.
Feeling like you're in the right won't actually fix the situation at all.

Decisions about money will be with you front and center for your entire marriage.

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 20 Apr 2010 1:05 PM
 8 Aug 2008
MooseHead
Raving Lunatic
10,422
You need to find some type of compromise, that means both of you - nothing will be solved like this.

As Bianca said, you did shut her out but at the same time in my view, she was playing childish girl games which is manipulative. Right now, it sounds like she's not backing down and neither are you and this is why you BOTH need a compromise whatever that may be - ie. with the wedding you agree to tone down the spending or make a budget; she stops "forcing" you to sell the car to fund her indulgences.

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 20 Apr 2010 2:06 PM
 21 Sep 2008
123not_it
Fan
892
The way I think she sees it is, you have a time consuming expensive hobby that is putting her need/want of getting married further out of reach.

What kind of money does she spend on her hobbies? Is there equality in that area? FH and I both have different hobbies and sometimes I've felt that he spends more freely on his and then doesn't have money for other stuff I'd like to do - vacations etc.

When we get married and merge our finances we've decided we're having a mutual hobby savings account where we decide/negotiate what the next purchase is and who it's for. Eg. we save for a new bike for me, then one for him. Since his is currently newer and better than mine, I get to upgrade first!

Why not agree to a budget for the car hobby that you can live with and a budget to save towards the wedding to show her you're serious and you won't blow all your money on the car?

When I first read your post I thought she was being unreasonable but now that you've written further I know how it feels to have my number one priority being getting married and have it be my boyfriend's number 3 priority. It sucks!

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 20 Apr 2010 2:49 PM
 19 Apr 2008
 Regina, *home* is E-Town!
Tanky
Postaholic
8,873
I wouldn't say you need to give up your car, but since I think that spending money is a joint-venture once you're engaged, I think that the "hobby" budget needs to be a joint decision too.

Keep the car, but that might mean you only get 1,000 per year or something to spend on modifying your car.

I'd Sh!t if my husband was spending 15K on a hobby per year!!!

It's all about compromise, so it seems to me like you and her need to have the big she-bang to get it all sorted out. Have that huge fight, and maybe this can all be resolved.

bye Good luck!

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 20 Apr 2010 3:10 PM
 19 Apr 2010
 Ottawa ON
MisterRight
WB Devotee
1,376
Money isn't the issue, the issue is the fact she wants me to sell my car to pay for the wedding..

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 20 Apr 2010 3:14 PM
 19 Apr 2010
 Ottawa ON
MisterRight
WB Devotee
1,376
I may just do that ..LOL

Thx for the refreshing reply Tanky!

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 20 Apr 2010 3:15 PM
 19 Apr 2010
 Ottawa ON
MisterRight
WB Devotee
1,376
oh and another thing, which myself and several other men are all boggled about..

why do girls deem it necessary (not all) to spend 2,000$ on a wedding dress which they wear for 12 hours, and never again.

I don't get it.

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 20 Apr 2010 3:24 PM
 20 Apr 2010
Marchy
New Member
47
I'm a guy who spent less on his wedding than some do on the girls dress.

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 20 Apr 2010 3:25 PM
 19 Apr 2010
 Ottawa ON
MisterRight
WB Devotee
1,376
SO i was discussing with a friend of mine here at work.. and gave me the best line ever.

I don't think it's a good idea to use, but sure made me laugh..

"The car was here before you and it'll be here when you're gone."

Didn't work out too well for him.. though.

it did make me laugh though.

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 20 Apr 2010 3:27 PM
 1 Jan 2010
go_Br?ch
Unregistered
0
well - i didn't spend $2000 on a wedding dress so I guess I can't answer that question for you exactly - however most wedding dresses start at $1000 and go up to .... not even going to write it because I might barf.... the reason they cost so much? there is a lot of fabric, embroidery, beading, etc... and that is also the industry my friend... you say wedding, a vendor goes "$$$Cha ching!$$$"

I personally think that you both really need to sit down and have a very seriously discussion as others said. Write down the 5 most important things about your wedding (you on one paper, her on another) doesn't have to be physical "things" can be how it feels, who is there etc... also write down the 5 most important things to you in a marriage... compare notes - that will give you a good start to your discussion.

and yes, it was pretty immature of you to call her "nuts" and take off in your car... sigh... and then to shut her down and say you can't be mad in bed... SIGH!!!

there is OBVIOUSLY more of an issue here - and she said it to you - that she thinks your buddies are a bad influence, is it just because you spend money? likely no.

I would never ask my husband to give up something he loved - just as he would never ask me either. And I certainly expect us to remain individual people that have our own interests... i didn't marry a robot... his interests being different then mine make things interesting.

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 20 Apr 2010 3:27 PM
 13 Jul 2006
 GVA, wishing it was GTA
tjrocks
Empress of the Forum
30,378
Not all girls do. Mine was $600...because really, they don't get a whole heck of a lot cheaper.

It is however, culturally ingrained into little girls that your wedding is your big princess day, so you do grow up with this skewed perspective of how weddings should be.

I will tell you though that I sat down with a budget with my husband and went over all the estimated expenses. I cut every single expense I could to keep the wedding as low budget as can be and we still spent close to $15k....My now husband was floored at the sheer cost of things, and we certainly weren't over the top...I DIYed everything I could, we i-poded the music...but food and bar for 80 people was well over $8k....and we're not talking the $100 per person it normally is in the city. Add in a few bouquets and a photographer, and you're not even factoring a wedding dress into that 15k budget.

It might be worthwhile, since she's throwing around these numbers that seem so abstract right now, to sit down with a budget. If she wants the $15k she has to say where the expenses are, and you can both get an idea of what you're spending where.

I still think that you need to talk about the bigger picture stuff...but maybe her solidifying her expectations on paper can make things clearer for the both of you.

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 20 Apr 2010 3:37 PM
 20 Apr 2010
Marchy
New Member
47
ex wife, past, current wife, present.

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 20 Apr 2010 3:44 PM
 18 Jul 2006
Dazed
Postaholic
8,516
Well, if you guys can afford $17,000 on your hobbies (car and hockey, and it's probably actually more than that), I don't understand why you can't afford $15,000 on what appears to be her hobby---the wedding. It seems obvious to me that you should either do both or you actually can't afford to spend $17,000+ on activities just for yourself.

Of course, as many people have already demonstrated, your problem is so much bigger than how to pay for a wedding.

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 20 Apr 2010 3:45 PM
 19 Apr 2010
 Ottawa ON
MisterRight
WB Devotee
1,376
who said i came here for just that? I just agreed with what he said about what she said.

It's doesn't mean it's right or wrong, or the final decision?

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 20 Apr 2010 3:51 PM
 4 Jan 2006
Mary Ann
Addict
3,808
She doesn't want you to sell your car to pay for the wedding. She wants to feel important to you. Like she is a priority. For some reason, she sees your car and/or your friends as competition. Is that rational? No. Is that realistic? Perhaps.

She may not even be capable of expressing this to herself, let alone you. But what every woman wants is to feel cherished. She wants a wedding--not an unreasonable want in our culture. You seem dismissive of this. You have to have an honest converstation with her about needs--emotional, financial, from hobbies. This is not about a car and a wedding. This is about how you guys communicate and how you acknowledge and/or meet each others' needs.

Start with trying to understand her. Then get her to understand you.

Mary Ann

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 20 Apr 2010 3:57 PM
 1 Jan 2010
go_Br?ch
Unregistered
0
Once again - Mary_Ann is the voice of reason.

geologyrocks - it's not a woman's only forum, it just happens to be mostly woman. And for what it's worth - we get that you don't agree with a husband having an expensive hobby... you've made that clear. Many other don't seem to mind - likely because as a couple they have discussed the cost of said hobby vs living expenses and have worked it out.

MisterRight - so just to be clear - you have the $$ for the wedding, that isn't the issue - but she wants you to sell the car specifically for the wedding money instead? Or is that unless you sell the car - you will have to wait and save for this wedding that she wants?

Did you even read my suggestion about making lists regarding the wedding and what is important to you for that day - and going forward?

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 20 Apr 2010 4:13 PM
 18 Jul 2006
Dazed
Postaholic
8,516
Marchy: Check out the forum (other parts of it) for indications of how planning a wedding can be a hobby for a great many people

MrRight: All I'm saying is if you can afford both (and you can) then the problem is elsewhere. Figure out that elsewhere (see Mary_Ann's post for a good idea of what's going on) and then you can probably have a great marriage, regardless of when the wedding takes place and whether or not you have a race car.

And just to confuse the n00bs: QOTP!

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 20 Apr 2010 4:19 PM
 19 Sep 2005
Ms_Married
Duchess of the Forum
21,087
I repeat...the issue is not selling your car in itself. The large amounts of money spent on your hobby is not the issue in itself. How costly or cheap your wedding is going to be is not the issue in itself.

The issue is being on the same page about finances and time and money spent on hobbies. Communicate and compromise.

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 20 Apr 2010 4:27 PM
 20 Apr 2010
Marchy
New Member
47
OK, I am handing out my final verdict: The Mustang must be sold for $15000 (good luck getting that, especially if it's orange) and your fiance must have full control over that money to do as she pleases, whether it be for the wedding, or just to go on a shopping spree. You will cut all ties with your car buddies, and focus on sperm-strengthening techniques to kill the time. You will need it so you can make babies right away. Once the babies are born, and you will have 8tuplets, you will get your own show on TLC. Cameras will follow your family around, generally highlighting just how out of her mind insane your fiance is, and you will maintain the punching bag posture for the duration of your 4 seasons.

You will get divorced, kids will be totally screwed up and likely all turn into degenerate automobile racers, your ex-wife will get a spot on america's best dance crew where she will proceed to make a complete [censored] of herself, and disgrace her children even further.

I'm not sure exactly how the story ends, but I'm willing to bet that you shoulda kept your Mustang and simply built a huge mansion in the middle of a forrest and lived hapily ever after, with a sane female.

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 20 Apr 2010 4:34 PM
 1 Jan 2010
go_Br?ch
Unregistered
0
Marchy - did you even read all the posts that gave helpful and well balance advice? Or are you just here for comic relief? MisterRight received a lot of replies to his problems that advised he sit down and have a good, calm discussion with his fianc� and all you seem to be doing is spewing insults.

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 20 Apr 2010 5:00 PM
 20 Apr 2010
Marchy
New Member
47
Apparently you do. And I do as well, I don't want to see a good man (any man who calls himself mr right is good)sell his pride and joy for a women's special day because he will resent her for it until the end. Like others have said, if she wants the big Cinderella wedding, tell her to start saving her pennies.

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 20 Apr 2010 6:33 PM
 19 Apr 2008
 Regina, *home* is E-Town!
Tanky
Postaholic
8,873
But Marchy... where'd you come from though? Just a random day to stroll the wedding forums, came across a dude asking for help and decided, "HEY! This is my day to join!" rofl

Pretty sure you either know the dude, and just want him to ditch the b!tch, or you're a troll who decided to pop in and see if you could get some ladies riled up.

Which one is it? wink

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 20 Apr 2010 6:46 PM
 1 Jan 2010
ScubaJan
Unregistered
0
haha, should have made some popcorn. This has been one of the most amusing posts in a while.

I kinda wish there were more guys around.

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 20 Apr 2010 7:03 PM
 14 Jun 2006
JBen2
Postaholic
7,912
I would NEVER make my hubby sell his car (or in my case, his computer. And he did offer a few times!) to pay for a wedding. Or even when we were in a bit of financial trouble last year, I never would have asked him that! It's what makes him sane and liveable!!! Heck, I offered to sell my Manolo's, and he said no (smart boy, cause I don't think I could have gone through with it!). But yeah, I think she's being unreasonable quite a bit!

But I agree, having boys around can be fun smile

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 20 Apr 2010 8:18 PM
 27 Apr 2006
 Kitchener
Teacher_Wife
Raving Lunatic
10,046
I haven't read all 3 pages of posts, but I'll post my opinion. The short answer is
no, I would not force my FH to sell his baby and give up his hobby. I know that this would cause resentment. I would however sit down and talk about my insecurities.
It seems like she could have a number of them.
Firstly money could be an insecurity. Is she totally aware of your financial situation now? Do you have a budget that you have developed together that take into account your combined income after marriage and again after children? Does she share control in the financial matters of the household? Does she feel that the current share of money that she has access to is equitable (if you make much more than her, will you have more play money than she does - this can cause resentment). If all these things are perfectly clear between you two, then money may not be the issue.
The second insecurity I can see is about lifestyle. Have you discussed and negotiated your free time will be spent? What does she expect in terms of time together and time alone spent on individual hobbies? Have you discussed how you will expect it to change after children because you both will have to make compromises at this point, but many people (men and women) underestimate how difficult it is? She may be preemptively resentful of the time you may end up spending on your hobby in the future. She may be trying to control that fear and resentment by trying to get you to sell the car.
The third insecurity I can see is about safety. I don't know how safe your hobby is, but the fear of losing someone you love could be huge. I know that can make even the calmest individuals irrational.

What you need to do on your next discussion is after she tells you what she thinks or feels, you need to show her that you understand. Rephrase what she said. This way she understands that you are actually listening to her. Then let her know that you will think about it. Think about it and the next day address her concerns one at a time and ask for her thoughts or feelings about each of your explanations, compromises, solutions, etc. This way you can work together to feel better. By doing this repeatedly you might find out what she is actually anxious about.

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 31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
 30 Apr 2012
 buzzle.ca
buzzle
New Member
0

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