VENT! LONG! Why can't he just be happy for me?

Okay, so let me edit this so that I don't sound like a complete looney.

I'm upset with FH cause he's jealous about the fact that I got an iphone today and he didn't. Okay, so yes, it is just a phone and I know that there are other things to complain and fight about but my bigger problem is this:

Why does it seem like any time that I do something for me, I'm made to feel horrible for it? Is it just part of being a woman that makes me feel like all of my money is better spent on things for the home and not myself. I feel like every time someone in my family finds out that I spent money on myself it's this big, "Oh wow... you went and bought that?"

Why is it such a surprise that I want to spend a little money on myself now and then? Why does it seem that when FH does it it's perfectly fine and normal but when I do it, I'm not being responsible with my money?

Does anyone else feel this way?

 16 Sep 2010 3:01 PM
 29 Apr 2007
 The Nuthouse
Raving Lunatic
Good luck with that behaviour Gabby. He sounds spoiled.

 16 Sep 2010 3:03 PM
 7 Aug 2010
 Vegreville, AB
WB Devotee
Do you want my honest opinion?

Suck it up. The way you describe it makes you both sound childish. Him moreso, sure, but still. This is a PHONE you're talking about, so save the real arguments for something that really matters.

 16 Sep 2010 3:09 PM
 20 Apr 2006
Everything is against you and DH is bringing you down? You need some perspective; it's a phone. Sorry.

 16 Sep 2010 3:16 PM
 21 Feb 2008
 Edmonton, AB
Sorry you are frustrated!
The others are right, in the grand scheme of things it is really nothing to get worked up over...maybe try explaining this to your FH?

 16 Sep 2010 3:20 PM
 21 Oct 2009
Personally I would tell him if he wants want to go buy one and leave it at that. If he continued I would say something like "ummm you do realize you are being jealous over a phone right?"

 16 Sep 2010 3:20 PM
 7 Jan 2006
 Calgary, Alberta
So you weren't actually planning on getting the new phone till November, then some guy said you could do it anytime so you rush right out to get it the next day and miss an appointment on purpose that cost someone else time and money, then whine about your DH being childish and giving you crap for that? Sounds like there's a lot of immaturity on both sides here.

Take your own advice, it's a phone. Life goes on. I have an iphone4 and while it's nice and all, it really isn't worth a 5 hour line up or fighting with your spouse over. I couldn't see myself "just being happy" for someone who wouldn't wait for me to go with them when they knew I wanted the same thing, missed an appt and then spoke of my curiosity and jealousy as some terrible thing.

Nope, sorry, you're both pretty wrong here. I dont think he should "just be happy for you" as there were a few much more civil and fair ways you both could have handled this.

 16 Sep 2010 4:05 PM
 9 Mar 2006
I dont get it. If he really wants one, why can't he get an iphone too?

 16 Sep 2010 5:07 PM
 28 Dec 2005
Raving Lunatic
PP have given some good suggestions, and at the end of the day, it is just a phone.

However, maybe it's not jealousy, but genuine surprise about you buying something reasonably expensive for yourself? And then you are interpreting it as jealousy because you feel you shouldn't have bought it or that there are better things to spend your money on?

Sorry, I just don't want to automatically point at an issue inside your relationship when it could be something as simple as this. I often do the same thing myself - occasionally splurge on a larger item and then interpret people's reactions in a way that is not meant.

 16 Sep 2010 5:22 PM
 7 Aug 2010
 Vegreville, AB
WB Devotee
I've been thinking about this thread a bit while working, and I'd like to soften my stance a bit, especially in light of the reworded post.

The argument now - finance-based rather than just possession-based - is certainly a more mature one, although one with far more serious potential ramifications. We all have to deal with money issues, and figuring out what are reasonable priorities (as well as ensuring both partners are on the same page as to the priorities) is a difficult but necessary part of the relationship. I can tell you that I don't by any means have it fully figured out. The posters above are correct in stating that open communication is instrumental in helping deal with the issue.

 16 Sep 2010 5:29 PM
 1 Jan 2010
I know that it is a just a phone but if it is a symptom of how he deals with things or the perception that only one person is "allowed" to spend money than yes I can see where OP is upset. How she communicates that to her husband is the crux of the matter.

Do you maintain separate finances or that you both contribute EQUALLY to home costs and then what is left you can both "play" with?

I don't think minimizing it to say it is just a phone is not helpful. People fight over way less.

 16 Sep 2010 5:39 PM
 24 Jan 2005
Raving Lunatic
I read the original post...to me, there are other issues at work. It really sounded petty first go around.

I get what you're saying to some degree in your new post. DH and I have no kids, good incomes, the ability to spend money on whatever we want. Flip side to your coin, DH is happy when I do stuff for myself, spend OUR money on me...and in turn, I spend OUR money on him too. I get a present, he gets one too. We don't make major purchases without the other's input (iPhone is a major purchase in my books), we definitely don't begrudge someone a purchase if it's what they really want provided the funds are there. I think if DH was having issues with a purchase, I'd be asking him what the deal is and why he's acting that way. If he can't give me a good reason for the 'tude...I'd be at the store by noon.

 16 Sep 2010 6:40 PM
 16 May 2005
 Surrey, BC
I too did not see the original post before it was edited. From the post I see now it looks like there is an underlying financial issue here. Either you guys are not in a financial position to be spending that kind of money on fancy phones(and other things) or your FH has financial security issues.

I know when I spend a significant amount of money on something for myself I spend days thinking about it and justifying it although I do have the money to spend on things for myself....Just the way my mind works. My needs greatly outweigh my wants when spending money.

You FH may be experiencing similar feelings. Especially because you mentioned that he does that regularly. But it can also mean that we cannot see your whole financial picture(rightly we should not know that) but its hard to make a judgment on someones remarks without understanding where they are coming from.

Really in the end a phone is a phone is a phone.....if you could afford it when why not buy it. If he is jealous because you got it before him, he needs to grow up. But the fact that this is even a fight means you both have some growing up to do.

 16 Sep 2010 7:16 PM
 8 Aug 2008
Raving Lunatic
After seeing Jolene Mills ticker, I then understood why her advice was so very basic and made so much sense...I think she's been around the block probably a few times, therefore knows what she's talking about.

Gabby, say thank you to Jolene.

 31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
 30 Apr 2012
New Member

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