24
 1,217

 Ashes to ashes...

At 92.5 years of age, my grandfather has been hospitalized and it's not looking good long-term. He, and my grandmother, have FINALLY decided they (actually, we) better make some funeral arrangements so we're not dealing with it when everything goes down.

He's basically said he wants to be cremated. Cool...my other grandparents were cremated and interred. I don't think he/they wants to be interred. So what do you do with the ashes? Does anyone have a relative 'staying' with them?

I think you need a permit to scatter ashes and I don't know of anywhere special enough he would want to be scattered (England maybe? At his brother's grave in Germany (WW2)...that might be an idea...my grandmother was very close with the brother too...hmmmm).

It's not nice stuff to think about but we really have to. I have looked into cremation gems (they make diamonds out of remains) but it's freaking EXPENSIVE. Soooo...what have you done or heard of being done with remains?
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 3:21 PM
 2 Dec 2007
 Mississauga, On
kalua80
Postaholic
8,326
It is a myth that you need a permit. There is talk about how they want to do something of the sort but aft many many years, it has still not gone through.

Just make sure you don't bury it n a backyard or something becAuse you legally have to mention it when you seell and it turns off a lot of byers.

My mom wanted a piece of her in the ocean off Victoria bc and the rest is still at my sisters for now. She is not ready yet and I'm ok with it. My mom had always wanted to be a world traveler, so I may take a bit of her on every trip.

If you do take the ashes across a border, you are suppose to get a permit, but not within Canada. Well, maybe you do by plane, but we don't mention it and I probably wouldn't mention it either for other trips, but that's how I roll. A huge rebel at heart...lol
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 3:22 PM
 6 Apr 2012
Goose
Rookie
232
What does your grandmother want does with them? Does she want to be cremated eventually and interred? Maybe she'd like his ashes mixed with hers? Just brainstorming....
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 3:24 PM
 3 Jan 2006
 Whitby
diva.jen
Empress of the Forum
34,124
Both MIL and FIL are currently in our guest bedroom where my SIL lives.

The family is currently talking about when to get together to scatter their ashes. They were both rather particular about their wishes (their daughter's gravesite and a park FIL grew up in) so it's a no brainer for us. As for permits, well, we're going to play the 'it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission' card should we encounter any issues.

The only caveat I'd give is to avoid places you may not be able to visit again easily (ie your backyard - you sell the house and it's hard to come by when you feel like it) if you wanted to be 'near' them from time to time.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 3:27 PM
 8 May 2009
 Alberta, Canada
CDNSmurfette
Addict
3,618
Goose - I imagine we will do whatever we are going to do, with both of them. We will prob mix the ashes but what to do with them at that point?

Gran is 87 and not in very good health anymore so when my grand-dad does pass I think she won't be too far behind.

But the question remains (pun sooo NOT intended) what do you do/have you done with them?
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 3:30 PM
 8 May 2009
 Alberta, Canada
CDNSmurfette
Addict
3,618
I've never visited my other grandparents' site. We just don't think of it that way I guess...to me, if I wanted to 'visit' with the person, I just think back to the memories I have, where ever I happen to be. A physical place doesn't matter.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 3:34 PM
 24 Jan 2005
 Calgary
tojules
Raving Lunatic
11,202
I know of a few people whose ashes have been scattered, usually it's done illegally as you do need a permit to do it. I've also heard..whether this is true or not, I have no idea...but I've heard that there is a chip in with ashes that can be identified if ashes have been spread somewhere and you can be fined for illegally scattering ashes. How they would know this, or how it would be found is beyond me...it could just be one of those urban myths you hear.

A friend's ashes were spread in the water by Victoria, apparently there is a spot there where several currents meet that come from all over the world...he wanted to be there as he loved the sea.

DH's mother's ashes, sadly, are split between a couple of family members. One wouldn't let go of them, so she decided to give little bits in pill bottles to certain family members. When I first heard that, it took a while to pick my jaw up off the floor. Dh doesn't like to talk about it. We've since heard, the family member that had them buried them somewhere in BC without the knowledge of the sibs. Ashes can really cause a lot of conflict with family if the plans aren't set out before.

I would talk to family members, talk to your grandparents and see what their wishes are. They might already have something in mind. DH and I are both opting for cremation and it's up to each of us where we'll be scattered. I don't want to sit on a mantle, or be hidden in a closet....to the wind.

I'm sorry your grandpa isn't doing well. My grandparents pre-planned as well..and has awful as it is to have to think about these things, I'm really glad they did. It saved us a lot of stress during an already stressful time.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 3:41 PM
 6 Apr 2012
Goose
Rookie
232
I don't have any cremated relatives but my folks keep an urn of their beloved dog's ashes on their fireplace mantle.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 3:43 PM
 24 Jan 2005
 Calgary
tojules
Raving Lunatic
11,202
I was just reading, National Parks have restrictions and do require you get to permission prior to doing it. Other places don't have any formal requirements. It differs province to province as well.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 3:55 PM
 8 Oct 2008
 Halifax, NS
peggy_sue
Fan
938
DH put some of his dad's ashes off the back ofhis ship when he was doing a tour down in Hawaii. He made note of the long/lat coordinates and sent them off to various aunts/uncles/cousins so they could know exactly when he was put to rest.
Sometimes with the navy they have a ceremony with this sort of thing but DH kept it quiet and private just for himself.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 4:46 PM
 2 May 2009
googles
New Member
43
I'm in BC and a close relative passed away last year. The funeral home said we can spread the ashes anywhere we would like, no permit or permission needed for public places. We spread them out at a favourite park.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 5:04 PM
 6 Jan 2010
Spiablie
Addict
3,172
My input: Who is gonna actually know that you scatter ashes?
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 5:20 PM
 15 Jul 2010
MommyG
Devotee
1,692
My mom held onto my Dad's ashes for 10 months before she decided what to do. She was in the process of moving and wanted to decide her final resting spot so he'd go there too.

It creeped me out. A lot. I was glad when she finally purchase a plot and had the box of ashes buried.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 5:31 PM
 29 Apr 2007
 The Nuthouse
Sidney
Raving Lunatic
13,034
My grandparents are cremated and reside in a memorial garden wall. No scattering here.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 5:43 PM
 8 Aug 2008
MooseHead
Raving Lunatic
10,422
My mom's are sitting on the shelf right beside me. We were going to bury them in her garden but nobody seemed to jump all over that idea and I wasn't going to dig by myself so I took them.

If you're dumping them in the ocean/lake, why the heck would anyone care if the fish are eating bones or teeth (which I actually find hard to believe - why would fish eat tooth fragments when they have their regular food? whatever).

Making decisions about what to do with ashes is just not something I would be deciding before a person has passed. Why not wait until they DO pass which could be years and they're "preserved" so there actually is many years after that to decide.

I can see discussing burial/cremation but my gawd, if I knew anyone was talking about what to do with my ashes NOW, thats the creepiest thing of this discussion thusfar.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 5:44 PM
 23 Aug 2005
 Milford, Nova Scotia
Kathryn
Addict
4,010
My mom was cremated and we scattered her ashes over the cliff overlooking the ocean at my cottage. Hopefully we will always own the cottage, but even if we don't someday we can always go to the beach and be "near" her.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 5:46 PM
 8 May 2009
 Alberta, Canada
CDNSmurfette
Addict
3,618
L.E.M. - Thanks for all of that. Since you seem to be in the know...the only big question I have is...how much 'ash' does the average person create/become?
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 6:30 PM
 8 May 2009
 Alberta, Canada
CDNSmurfette
Addict
3,618
Thx MH and L.E.M. I'm not ure if that is more or less than I thought.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 6:32 PM
 22 Apr 2009
 Edmonton, Alberta
Baby_Doll
Postaholic
6,242
My mom bought cemetary plots for both her and my dad's ashes. He was cremated and buried in a small wooden box. There is a marker/plaque in the cemetary where he is buried.

I think this is a good compromise. It takes up far less room then a full casket, and there is still that place for him in the cemetary for us to go visit.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 7:44 PM
 13 Jun 2005
 Toronto, ON
aw2006
Addict
3,822
My Grandfather and my uncle have both been cremated and we spread their ashes at a lookout here in Ontario. The ceremonies were very personal and exactly what they would have loved. I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread there when it is my time to go.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 8:15 PM
 22 Oct 2004
 Winnipeg, MB
waterlily
Addict
4,555
We have our first daughter's ashes on the shelf in the china cabinet in a small urn. She will be buried with our ashes when the last of the two of us pass away. We have that written in our wills. I just can't part with her ashes yet. So they, remain in our loving home until she goes with her mommy or daddy.
avatar
 24 Apr 2012 10:09 PM
 22 Mar 2012
 Ottawa, Ontario
Jenetic
Chatterbox
327
I think my grandfather's ashes were spread on a golf course. He loved golf, and it just made sense to put him in a place he loved, and shared with his children and grandchildren.
avatar
 25 Apr 2012 6:46 PM
 8 May 2009
 Alberta, Canada
CDNSmurfette
Addict
3,618
My mum is all over the 'diamond' idea and Now my dad wants us to do that with him. He said it will give him some continued purpose after death.
avatar
 25 Apr 2012 7:38 PM
 15 Oct 2010
 Ontario
AvasMum
Chatterbox
317
We had some of our daughters ashes put into a heart shaped pendant (done by the funeral home) My DH wears his everyday. We put the rest of the ashes in a memorial sundial that is in our back yard. I wanted the ashes close to us. I also what to take them with me if we move.

The funeral home will make you pick out and buy an urn. They are a lot of money. The one we bought was about $200.00.
When my Uncle passed away the funeral home told my Aunt that she had to buy an Urn. She told them No way and brought her own box from home for the ashes. The funeral home when against policy and gave her the ashes in her own box.
avatar
 25 Apr 2012 9:36 PM
 8 May 2009
 Alberta, Canada
CDNSmurfette
Addict
3,618
The place I've been looking at will provide a 'temporary container' (basically a cardboard box) at no charge. But yes...the urns/containers range from about $125 - $395

I just want to say...I appreciate everyone who has shared a story because I do realize it's not an easy/fun topic and if you have an experience to share, it's because you/your family has experienced a loss. My heart goes out to you, particularly those who have lost a child.
avatar
 31 Oct 2012 11:59 PM
 30 Apr 2012
 buzzle.ca
buzzle
New Member
0

Want to continue the discussion?

For more discussion like this or to reconnect with weddingbells.ca forum members, check out the forums at buzzle.ca!

More Like This...