Re: Hurting and confused
Saucy, I am 22 (23 in October), and he is 23 (24 in April) We met in November of 2006 and got engaged October of...
Saucy, I am 22 (23 in October), and he is 23 (24 in April) We met in November of 2006 and got engaged October of 2010.
I'm not concerned about them not supporting us. We have all the support we need from my family, as it has been since we first got together. It just bothers me like they're acting like children instead of adults.
And of course I have to take fiance's feelings into consideration.
Re: Hurting and confused
I guess I just keep having mental images of his father jumping up and down waving his hand when the officiant asks if there are...
I guess I just keep having mental images of his father jumping up and down waving his hand when the officiant asks if there are any who oppose our union.
And it really hurts, you know? I mean I can handle if someone doesn't like me, but to say he should leave me, and insult my family? Thats just completely inappropriate.
I really appreciate your response, by the way. My bridesmaids and sister are all great to listen but it helps to have someone not biased offer perspective.
Hurting and confused
Okay so here's the issue. My family are all very laid back. They're truckers mostly and kind of red-neck-ish but good, loyal people. They're not...
Okay so here's the issue.
My family are all very laid back. They're truckers mostly and kind of red-neck-ish but good, loyal people. They're not poor but they're not by any means rich. Just your average working class family.
My fiance's family are all white-collar, really wealthy types with university degrees and high paying careers.
My family gets along perfectly with my fiance. They all love him and he fits in perfectly. But of course, thats how they treat everyone.
Any time I've gone over to his parents' home for dinners and such I've done my absolute best to be polite and proper. I always got the feeling that his mom liked me, even though his dad clearly didn't approve of our relationship. And I had thought that his father had gotten over since he'd stopped giving me dirty looks when no one else was paying attention, and actually was civil towards me.
But ever since we got engaged, his family has stopped inviting us to dinner. They don't tell us about family events (birthday dinners, etc.) and basically ignore us unless we call them. Its really very rude.
Our wedding is set for August of 2012. We chose this day to allow my family to save up some money, and to allow me ample time to prepare because I tend to overlook things when I'm rushing. About a month ago I asked his mother to give me a list of people she'd like to invite to the wedding so that I could have an idea of how many people would be invited. I asked the same of my mother, who got back to me the very next day with a small list of relatives and family friends to add to the list I'd already started. I finally found out that (even though I'd given her a written note with my e-mail on it AND a text message with my e-mail address) that she instead sent it two days ago to my fiance's e-mail, which he never checks.
Then last night I found out that while my fiance was over at his parents' house dropping something off that his father spent nearly an hour trying to convince my fiance that we were moving too fast, that I'm pressuring him into marrying me and that he could do way better than me so he should leave me while he can. He claimed I'd forced him to ask me, that I pushed him to do it.
Also, his mother was there in the same room but did not say anything. In my eyes this is her way of saying that she agrees with out actually saying anything.
And apparently this isn't even the first time its happened. Apparently there have been at least 5 times in the time we've been together (nearly 5 years) that his father has tried to convince him not to marry me.
And his father even went so far as to insult my family, not just me. He claimed that we were lucky to have my fiance, and that I wouldn't ever be able to find another man if he decided to end it with me. Funny thing is, if it weren't for my family, my fiance and I wouldn't have a home (my mother gave us the down deposit), he wouldn't have a truck (my father helped him repair it) and he wouldn't have a job (my father's connections). All of our furniture were gifts from my family, as well as all our kitchen stuff and EVERYTHING. The only thing we paid for when we moved into our first home was our TV and our washer and dryer.
My fiance came home and told me about this incient and I told him that I don't want his father invited to the wedding, that I don't feel its appropriate to invite someone to the wedding who clearly hates the bride. I don't want him to spoil my special day.
But my fiance says we should try to patch things up, that I should try to work harder to prove that I'm a good match for my fiance. But why should I have to prove anything?! Why can't they just accept our decisions?!
I guess after all that my question is:
Am I over reacting to this situation, and am I right to not want my fiance's father to be included in the wedding?